


Time and Tides Bring Me Back to You

by AgtSpooky



Series: From the Sea to the Stars [2]
Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:56:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27593782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgtSpooky/pseuds/AgtSpooky
Summary: Trip Tucker thought he and Jonathan Archer were forever. It’s been twelve years since they fell in love on a beach in Florida, but the last 4 years on Enterprise have changed Jon. Command, and rank, have torn them apart. Leaving Jon, and Enterprise, was the hardest decision Trip had ever made. But his heart had been broken one too many times. Only after their relationship ends does Jon realize what he’s lost. But is he willing to risk everything, including Enterprise, to win back the man he loves?
Relationships: Jonathan Archer/Charles "Trip" Tucker III
Series: From the Sea to the Stars [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2017180
Comments: 62
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is what happens when you dream up a sliver of an idea and tell your friend SarahMatthews about it and she immediately expands on it and says “This needs to be a sequel to Beneath the Waves!” So you all have her to thank for this. :-) It’s not imperative that you read Beneath the Waves (https://archiveofourown.org/works/843267) (though I hope you do!) but it will tell you how Jon and Trip got their start.

_Never meet your heroes_

The sad, bitter thought settled heavily on Commander Charles “Trip” Tucker as he initiated the transporter. A moment later, Emory Erickson and his daughter Dani vanished from sight.

Trip shook his head slightly in both anger and disappointment. He had idolized Emory since he was seven years-old. Ever since he read “Father of the Transporter”. That book, along with help and encouragement from Martin McGillis, was why Trip became an engineer.

On one level, Trip could sympathize with Emory. He, too, knew what it was like to lose someone you loved. And that you’d do anything to get them back. But Emory went about it the wrong way, using lies and deceit. And in the process he put _Enterprise_ and its entire crew in danger and was directly responsible for Crewman Burrows’ death.

Trip’s mouth tightened as he glanced sideways at Captain Jonathan Archer standing beside him. Emory wasn’t the only one at fault, though.

Jon stared at the empty transporter pad for a long moment before finally turning away and Trip followed him down the corridor, trying hard to keep silent. His thoughts and opinions hadn’t been welcomed lately.

They turned the corner and Jon gave Trip a small smile and rested his hand on Trip’s back. “See you at dinner.”

Trip’s jaw clenched and he shifted away from Jon’s touch, still hurting from the older man’s uncalled for anger toward him.

_“You have your orders! I suggest you get started.”_

Jon’s icy words ringing in his head, Trip held up the padd Emory had given him. “I need to see about implementing these upgrades, _sir_.”

Trip saw Jon’s eyes widen at the formality, at Trip’s tone, before Trip turned sharply on his heel and strode away from him.

But Trip didn’t go to Engineering. Instead, he headed for _Enterprise_ ’s “sweet spot”. He hadn’t even known a place like this existed in starships until Travis Mayweather, their resident space boomer, had shown him. Trip had used it often over the last four years when he needed a quiet place to go, to be alone with his thoughts. Or to be away from Jon. Which had happened more and more as the years went on. Like today.

He opened the hatch and looked up, glad to see that Travis wasn’t there. He placed his hands on either side of the opening and pushed off. His body floated up in the Zero-G pocket and he turned himself around with practiced ease, sitting cross-legged on the ceiling, his head now facing downward.

His emotions in turmoil, Trip released a long, shaky breath. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his thighs and buried his face in his hands. It had been bad enough that Emory had made him think about Lizzie’s death again, bringing up the old pain that he thought he’d had a handle on. But then for Jon to turn on him the way he had…

_“You’re putting your personal feelings ahead of the safety of this ship!”_

_“And you are this close to insubordination!”_

_“Insubordination?”_

_“I’ve made a decision and it’s the right decision. And the discussion is over. Can you accept that? Now go do your job!”_

It was Jon who had put everyone at risk. Even T’Pol knew it. Hell, Jon and Emory had almost been killed when the EPS junction exploded, just missing a stack of torpedoes. But instead of taking responsibility for his actions and admitting he was wrong, Jon instead attacked Trip.

And now, with his casual comment just a few minutes ago about dinner, he was acting as if that conversation never happened. As if things were just fine between them. Just like he’d been doing over and over for the last four years. A tidal wave of painful memories swept through Trip, of Jon’s callousness or uncalled for anger toward him so many times. And never with a discussion or apology afterward.

Trip’s chest constricted and his breath hitched as resentment and sadness built up within him until it threatened to suffocate him. Twelve years of his life he’d given to Jon, but no more. Today was the last straw. It had taken him a long time to admit it, but he deserved better. Jon was no longer the kind, compassionate man he’d fallen in love with so long ago.

Heart breaking, Trip let the silent tears fall as he came to an agonizing decision.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Trip slept in his own quarters that night and Jon did not come looking for him. Maybe if he had…maybe if they’d talked, Trip wouldn’t be standing outside Jon’s quarters now, a padd in his hand, mentally preparing himself for what was to come. He took a long breath, again telling himself this is what he needed to do, as hard as it was going to be. But endings were never easy, especially after twelve years, even if it was the right thing. He swallowed past the tightening in his throat and pressed the door chime.

“Come in.”

Trip stepped inside and saw Jon sitting at his desk, reading something on his computer screen. He turned in his chair and cocked his head.

“Trip. Where were you last night? Is everything okay?”

_A little late to be asking me that_ , Trip thought. He held himself ramrod straight, fighting to keep his voice even as he held out the padd to Jon, who took it.

“Captain, I’d like to inform you that I’ve accepted the transfer to _Columbia_ , effective immediately.”

Jon’s shock and confusion was immediately evident. “I don’t…I don’t understand. We discussed this. You already turned Captain Hernandez down once. Why did you change your mind? Where is this coming from?” He paused. “What about…us?”

Trip shook his head, his mouth compressing into a tight line. “You really have _no_ idea do you?”

Jon frowned. “Trip, what’s going on with you? What are you talking about?”

Trip threw his arms out to the side. “What am I _talking about_?” His body practically vibrating with anger, Trip finally released all that had been bottled up inside him for far too long. “I’m talking about you being completely oblivious to how you’ve treated me, _hurt_ me again and again.”

Jon shook his head. “What—?” he began but Trip spoke over him.

“It started with the Xyrillians. Jon, I was _scared_. I had an alien embryo growing inside me and I needed your support. But instead you dismissed my concerns and turned everything into a joke! Then you humiliated me in front of the entire bridge crew, not to mention you not believing me when I said I hadn’t had sex with Ah’Len. As if I would betray our relationship!”

Trip saw Jon blink in surprise and sit back heavily in his chair as Trip continued.

“Then there was the cogenitor…” Trip’s voice cracked and he had to swallow hard. “I was _devastated_ and you literally turned your back on me. I’d never felt so alone. And you didn’t even notice.”

Jon’s mouth opened but Trip shook his head sharply. No, he wasn’t finished yet.

“And then the Xindi attack happened.” Trip took a shuddering breath, his emotions welling up inside him. “I lost my baby sister, Jon! And you wouldn’t even go to Florida with me! For nearly a _year_ you just…didn’t care how much I was hurting.”

Trip ran a hand down his face, feeling moisture in the corners of his eyes. “After the explosion in Engineering, after the operation, I went and watched the video feed from those nine days I was in the coma. You couldn’t even tell Sim that you also wanted me back simply because you cared about me. Forget that we’re lovers. Simply that you wanted me back because I was your _friend_. But you only told him that _Enterprise_ needed its Chief Engineer to complete our mission. Do you have any idea how that made me feel?”

He took another breath and shook his head. “And then yesterday, with the insubordination threat. I didn’t deserve that Jon, and you know it. _You_ were the one that put the ship and the crew in danger. Not me.”

Trip saw Jon’s mouth tighten and guilt flash in his hazel eyes as he kept going, the dam inside him now broken wide open, his pain no longer contained.

“I needed you, Jon. Again and again. But instead you turned your back on me. Over and over.” His voice hardened to a hoarse rasp. “Did you know that I tried to take my own life after the cogenitor’s death? Didn’t you realize my entire world shattered when Lizzie died? Am I nothing more to you now than the person who can keep the ship running?”

His words were like knives that he hurled at Jon, aimed to hurt. And from the look on Jon’s face, they had found their mark.

He paused for a heartbeat, Jon shocked into silence, his eyes wide, mouth slightly parted.

Trip cleared his throat and swallowed. “I guess I should’ve known that I wouldn’t be such an important part of your life once _Enterprise_ launched. That things would change. That your focus would be on the ship and our mission. I just didn’t expect this…coldness from you. From the man I’ve been in love with for over a decade.”

Tears pricked the backs of his eyes and he didn’t try and stop them. “I just…I’m done, Jon. I’m done being treated like this. It’s taken me a long time to realize it, but this relationship isn’t healthy. At least for me.”

Heart shattering, he pushed past the crushing anguish and pain threatening to steal his voice to say one last thing.

“I love you, Jon. I love you, but I can’t be with you anymore.”

It took every ounce of willpower Trip possessed to turn away from Jon, to leave him sitting there in stunned silence as he walked out the door.

He somehow made it to his quarters before he broke down, sinking to his knees, where he cried for all that he’d lost.

He thought he and Jon were forever.

He was wrong.

**END CHAPTER ONE**


	2. Chapter 2

Jon tried to speak to Trip repeatedly throughout the day, but Trip refused. His emotions were too raw, he was afraid he’d give in. But no, the time for talking and apologies was long past. He needed to look forward, to his new life on _Columbia_. It would kill him to leave _Enterprise_ behind. It was his home. The crew, especially Malcolm, Hoshi, Travis and Phlox were more than friends. They were family. But he couldn’t stay. He couldn’t continue to see Jon everyday, for possibly years to come. The constant reminder of all that he’d lost would be too painful for him. It needed to be a clean break, as hard as that was going to be.

The next day, however, Jon caught him alone in the corridor outside Engineering. Trip tried to open the hatch but Jon caught his arm.

“Trip. Please. I need to talk to you,” Jon said quietly.

Once again Trip moved away from Jon’s touch, shaking his head. “Whatever you need to say, you should’ve said it a long time ago.” He opened the hatch, his steady voice belying his inner turmoil. “It’s over, Jon.”

And with that he stepped through into Engineering, closing the hatch on the hurt and confusion in Jon’s eyes.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Trip tossed and turned that night, unaccustomed to sleeping alone, his dreams filled with images of Jon from their past, from their early days in Florida, leaving him exhausted in the morning. He dragged himself into the shower and then checked his comm station, but there was no word from Starfleet Command on the status of his transfer request. It made him wonder if Jon had even submitted it. Starfleet had already previously approved Captain Hernandez’s request to try and lure Trip away from _Enterprise_ , so his acceptance now should have been nothing more than a formality.

He ran a weary hand down his face. He needed off _Enterprise_ and away from Jon as soon as possible. Because he ached for him. Because what he said was the truth—he did still love Jon. And probably always would. And the longer he was around him the stronger the temptation would be to go back to him, hoping he would change. But Trip knew that would never happen. This is who Jon was now. Who he needed to be, to be in command of a starship. Maybe putting time and distance between them would eventually allow them to resume a tentative friendship. Trip wanted that. Besides being his lover, Jon had been his best friend for twelve years. He would hate to lose that as well as their intimacy.

_“T’Pol to Commander Tucker.”_

T’Pol’s voice suddenly came over the comm, distracting him from his thoughts.

“Tucker here.”

_“We’re approaching an M-class planet and the captain has put me in charge of assembling several landing parties to begin surveying the surface for the next several days. I would like to include you if you are available.”_

Trip jumped at the chance to get off the ship and clear his head, focus on something other than Jon.

“Absolutely. Count me in.”

_“Very well. I’ll be pairing you up with Ensign Sato. Please report to the launch bay in two hours.”_

Trip sat back in his chair and nodded his head. A strange, new world to investigate. Should be fun.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Jonathan Archer was living in a nightmare, his entire world falling down around him.

Overwhelmed with recent events, he had retreated to his quarters for a moment alone to collect himself.

Trip was dying.

Jon could barely comprehend it. Yet Trip and Hoshi were currently confined to the decon chamber after returning from the surface of the M-class planet, their bodies ravaged with a silicon-based virus with only hours to live.

This couldn’t be happening. It couldn’t end like this.

He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes to stave off his tears. He couldn’t lose Trip. Not when he had so much to apologize for. Trip abruptly ending their relationship had gutted him. Trip’s words that day were like barbs intending to wound. And they had.

And Jon could not refute any of them. The way he had behaved toward Trip on so many occasions was appalling. How had he not realized how many times he’d hurt the man he said he loved? The blame lay squarely on his shoulders. He had so much to make up for. Which is why Trip needed to survive. To give Jon a second chance. He couldn’t even contemplate Trip no longer in his life. Not after twelve years…

His gaze strayed to the photo he kept on the shelf above his bed and he picked it up. Memories of Florida washed over him. So many happy days spent there with Trip. He remembered this day in particular so deeply—his first successful dive lesson, asking Marty to take a photo of he and Trip on the _Triple Play_ to commemorate the day.

The expression on his own face, in his eyes as he gazed at Trip gave everything away. He’d already fallen in love with him by them. But the younger man took some convincing to give a relationship with Jon a chance, having vowed to never again get involved with someone in Starfleet after having been hurt badly previously. But in the end he’d taken that chance and given Jon his heart. And in return, Jon had trampled all over it.

_Stay with me, Trip. Please…_

Phlox’s strained voice suddenly came over the comm.

_“Captain Archer to decon. Immediately.”_

Jon shot to his feet, fear causing his heart to stutter. _Trip…_

~*~*~*~*~*~

Jon still wasn’t sure what happened. He remembered being in sickbay, of willfully exposing himself to the virus in order to try and save Trip and Hoshi’s lives. He remembered first Hoshi dying…and then Trip. He remembered the crushing sense of loss as he lay his hand on Trip’s chest and felt him take his final breath. He remembered thinking through the pain that at least he would be reunited with Trip in a matter of hours as he hopefully became the final victim of this virus.

But then there was this gap in his memory and the next thing he became aware of was standing next to Trip’s bedside, the younger man looking worse for wear, but _alive_. As was Hoshi. He couldn’t make sense of it. Neither could Phlox. So he had no choice but to accept the doctor’s explanation of delayed reactions from Trip’s radiation treatment curing all of them.

Honestly, Jon didn’t care. Trip was alive and he wasn’t looking a gift horse in the mouth. He had another chance to put things right between them. And he wasn’t going to waste it.

Phlox eventually released all of them, sending them to their quarters for a full day of rest after their ordeal. But rest was the last thing on Jon’s mind. After a shower and a change into civvies, he headed to Trip’s quarters. He knew the engineer didn’t want to talk to him, but he wasn’t going to let him go without a fight.

He paused for a moment outside Trip’s door, taking a long, steadying breath before pressing the chime.

“Come in.”

Trip’s exhausted voice reached his ears and Jon stepped inside. All of the lights were off except the one over Trip’s bed, where he lay under the blanket. He still looked terrible—pale with dark circles under his eyes and Jon’s chest clenched at how close he’d come to losing him.

Trip closed his eyes and shook his head. “Jon…” he breathed.

But Jon kneeled down next to Trip’s bed, laying a gentle hand on his arm. “I need you to listen to me, Trip. Please…”

Something in his voice must have gotten through to Trip and he opened his eyes after a moment and slowly nodded his head.

Jon took another breath. “Everything you said to me… I can’t deny any of it. And you made me take a good, hard look at myself. I hadn’t realized how being in command for the first time would affect me, change me, that I would need to check my emotion at the door. Especially where you were concerned, making sure that I didn’t give you special treatment because of our relationship. And instead I went too far in the opposite direction and alienated you, pushed you away.”

He paused. “There aren’t words to apologize for how I’ve treated you.” He took Trip’s hand. “But don’t end things between us. Give me a chance to change.”

There were tears in Trip’s eyes, his voice gruff. “But you can’t, Jon. This is who you are now. Who you need to be, to be Captain. And you’re gonna be in command for a long time. There’s just no room for me…us…in your world any longer.” He released a long, shaky breath. “We gave it our best shot, but it’s not working and deep down you know I’m right.”

He squeezed Jon’s hand, his words barely above a whisper. “Let me go, Jon. Please. If you love me, let me move on.”

Jon bowed his head at the truth in Trip’s words. Things had only gotten harder for him as captain as the years went by, not easier, and trying to go back to being the person he was four years ago… As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he knew it was impossible.

His heart breaking, he nodded and forced the words out past the constriction in his throat. “I’ll never stop loving you, Trip. But if this is what you want… Just please, don’t leave _Enterprise_. I felt you take your last breath, felt your heart stop beating. I’ve never experienced such pain, such loss, realizing I would never see you again. I don’t think I could bear it if you disappeared from my life tomorrow, leaving things like this between us.”

He took a breath. “Stay on _Enterprise_ for at least the next six months, until our mission is complete and we return to Earth. Then you’re free to transfer to _Columbia_ or wherever you’d like. But this is your home. Your friends need you. Your engines need you. And I need you. As a friend.”

His voice softened. “I’d like the chance to try and salvage a small part of our relationship. I don’t want to throw away twelve years. We started as friends. I hope we can end as friends, too.”

A tentative smile crossed Trip’s face. “I want that, Jon. More than anything.”

He tugged Jon close and they embraced as silent tears fell, both mourning an ending but with hopefully a new beginning on the horizon.

**END CHAPTER TWO**


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *** I know I'm going to throw you all for a loop with this chapter but trust me, and stick with the story. :-) ***

Trip took the opportunity later the following day while he knew Jon was on the bridge to collect his things from Jon’s quarters. Their quarters, really, since Trip rarely spent time in his own room. As hard as it had been, he was glad he and Jon had talked yesterday. He had expected Jon to deny the way he had treated him so many times but instead he had acknowledged it. And promised to change. But it was a hollow promise and Jon knew it. He couldn’t go back to being the man Trip fell in love with twelve years ago. Asking Jon to let him go had been one of the hardest requests Trip had ever made in his life. But accepting Jon’s request to stay on _Enterprise_ had been easy.

Or so he thought, until right now.

Each item he picked up was like a physical blow, the photographs of he and Jon scattered around causing his chest to clench. Most were from before _Enterprise_. Those first eight years, before _Enterprise_ launched, were the happiest years of Trip’s life.

Several of the photos were from Florida—at Hook’s Marina, at Trip’s cottage on the beach—and the one that brought Trip up short—the first photo they’d ever taken together, before they’d even become a couple, standing on the _Triple Play_ , celebrating Jon’s first scuba diving lesson. The way Jon was looking at him…

Trip squeezed his eyes closed and sat down heavily on the bed, fighting to hold back his tears as memories assaulted him. He hadn’t wanted to get involved with Jon back then because he was in Starfleet. But in the end he let his heart overrule his head. He should have listened to his head. Because he knew better. It would have saved him so much pain.

A soft whine had him opening his eyes and there was Porthos at his feet, looking distressed, picking up on Trip’s mood. Trip reached down and picked up the beagle, sitting him in his lap.

“Don’t worry, boy, I’ll still come around for walks,” he promised.

This felt like a divorce, that Trip was going to have to ask for visitation rights. But they weren’t married. Another warning sign he should have picked up on or willfully ignored? He had honestly expected them to make their relationship official before _Enterprise_ launched but Jon showed no interest in marriage. Something else they never talked about. _Just as well we’d never exchanged rings or vows_ , Trip told himself. Made things less complicated now. Easier to walk away.

Feeling like he was leaving a piece of himself behind, Trip slowly gathered his things and walked out the door, forcing himself to not look back. He was leaving Jon his lover behind him, but hopefully, maybe, Jon the friend would take his place.

~*~*~*~*~*~

To say things were awkward and stilted between Jon and Trip over the next few months was an understatement. You didn’t just turn off twelve years of love and commitment like a light switch. Trip battled the pain and loss on a daily basis as he tried to compartmentalize those years and turn those feelings to friendship. But it wasn’t easy for either of them, tip-toeing around each other, trying to find a new balance between them. More than once Trip found himself wanting to share something with Jon, then having to stop himself from doing so. Thankfully, he had other outlets.

He hadn’t realized how much of his free time he had spent with Jon until he no longer did. Over those same few months he found himself reconnecting with Malcolm, Hoshi and Travis, each helping to fill the loneliness left behind with his parting from Jon. They made no announcement, of course, but it wasn’t long before his friends realized he and the Captain were no longer together. And all of them were there with a sympathetic ear if he wanted to talk. Though it was hard to see Jon everyday, Trip was glad he decided to remain on _Enterprise_ until they returned to Earth. This is where he belonged—at home and with his “family”.

With Hoshi he found a worthy opponent in the Japanese game of “Go” and in turn she was trying to teach him Klingon, with hilarious results. Travis regaled him with tales of his life as a Boomer as they lifted weights in the gym or as they sat in his favorite sweet spot. In turn, he asked Trip to teach him the finer points of warp drive technology and even asked for harmonica lessons.

He took most of his meals with Hoshi, Travis or Malcolm as well as late-night games of poker and two-on-two basketball games. He was glad of his friend’s company, as it kept his mind from straying to a man that they shouldn’t. He did wonder about Jon, though, from time to time. He didn’t have the luxury of a close, easy friendship with anyone, like Trip did. They were his crew, not an outlet to talk about what he was feeling, how the separation was affecting him. _Trip_ had been his outlet for the last twelve years.

It was Trip’s friendship with Malcolm that truly flourished during those first few months, and who became his confidant. Malcolm wasn’t easy to get to know, but nearly dying together in the shuttlepod had broken down some of the Brit’s walls with Trip and underneath that stoic exterior was a kind, fiercely loyal man.

Malcolm had also been witness first-hand to the cracks in Trip and Jon’s relationship after the Xindi probe’s attack on Earth. When he found out that Jon said he was too busy go with Trip to Florida he refused to let him go alone and insisted on accompanying him. In his grief over Lizzie’s death, the destruction of his hometown and Jon’s ignorance of his pain, Trip was grateful for Malcolm’s presence. He honestly didn’t think he could have faced everything alone.

He also took Malcolm to Key West, to Captain Hook’s Marina. He needed to see Marty, to see first-hand that his friend was okay and see what damage the Keys had sustained. Miraculously, Hook’s had been spared the worst of it and even the _Triple Play_ had survived, nearly unscathed. But it was the emotional toll that had done the most damage to Marty, devastated by the loss all around him and in particular Lizzie’s death. Trip had barely kept it together in the face of Marty’s grief as well, combined with his shock that Jon wasn’t with him.

Trip and Malcolm had spent the night at Trip’s beachside cottage and the floodgates opened, surrounded by so many memories of Jon and the crushing loss of his sister. Trip got more drunk than he’d ever been and confided in Malcolm that his relationship with Jon was falling apart. That night was a turning point in their friendship—Trip letting himself be that vulnerable and open and Malcolm understanding and accepting unconditionally the trust Trip had just placed in him. From that point on, Malcolm was always there when Trip needed to talk, their friendship cementing even further over the next two years.

And now that things were truly over between he and Jon, Malcolm had stepped up once again to help fill the void in Trip’s life. Which is why he was the first person Trip confided in about his future plans. They were alone together in the armory one evening, Malcolm running a target practice drill for Trip, which the engineer failed at with flying colors.

Malcolm took the phase pistol from Trip and put it in the holster at his own hip. “Okay, what’s going on with you tonight?”

Trip took a breath. “There’s somethin’ I haven’t told you. When we get back to Earth, I’m transferring off _Enterprise_ to _Columbia_.”

Malcolm’s eyes widened then softened with understanding.

“I just…I need a new challenge. I’ve done all I can here,” Trip continued, almost defensively.

“Is that the only reason?” Malcolm asked gently.

Trip glanced away then back. “You know it’s not.”

Malcolm nodded slowly. He stepped up close and lay a hand on Trip’s arm. “I’ll miss you, Trip.”

The warmth in Malcolm’s eyes and his closeness made Trip’s stomach flutter unexpectedly and his reaction kept him awake that night, realizing how much he would miss Malcolm as well.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Something…shifted between he and Malcolm after that night and they were in each other’s pockets for the next month—eating together, working out together, pairing up on away missions—Trip refusing to look too deeply into his relationship with the tactical officer.

Until he could no longer ignore it. When one night changed everything.

Malcolm had been doing his best to continue with the late Major Hayes’s recommendation of hand-to-hand sparring drills between the senior _Enterprise_ officers and the MACO’s. With the exception of a memorable adventure Trip and Malcolm had onboard a Romulan drone ship and three Orion sisters causing havoc on _Enterprise_ , they’d had several months of peaceful exploration and first contacts instead of being in a state of perpetual tactical alerts, allowing time for the drills several days a week.

Trip had naturally become Malcolm’s sparring partner, working with the other man in the evenings ahead of time to practice the drills Malcolm wanted to show the others the next day. At first Trip held back, not putting up resistance to Malcolm’s moves until Malcolm told him to stop. He needed Trip to do his best to prevent him from subduing him.

So Trip did. A lot of people underestimated Malcolm, with his smaller stature and slight build. But he was _Enterprise_ ’s security officer for a reason. He was wiry, quick, agile and strong. And Trip repeatedly found himself either face down on the mat or flat on his back, Malcolm grinning down at him triumphantly.

That night was no exception. Their grappling had gone from upright to rolling across the mats, each man trying to gain the upper hand, smiling and laughing. And then something…changed, the atmosphere charged with something indefinable as their moves became less aggressive and more about physical contact until Malcolm once again pinned Trip onto his back, holding down Trip’s wrists above his head.

They both went utterly still then and Trip was suddenly hyper-aware of the press of Malcolm’s body against his own and the heat that flushed through him. The same heat he saw in Malcolm’s blue eyes.

Trip didn’t remember who kissed who first, but he vividly remembered the explosive sex between them in Malcolm’s quarters just a few minutes later.

In the early morning hours, as Malcolm lay sleeping peacefully beside him, Trip experienced a sharp pang of guilt. As if he had betrayed Jon. But that wasn’t true. They were no longer together and Trip was free to move on with his life, despite his heart trying to tell him differently. He had to admit it was a surreal experience. He hadn’t been with anyone except Jon for twelve years. It was odd to feel a different body beneath him, different lips pressed against his own. Odd, but not unwelcome, this new connection. Maybe it was exactly what Trip needed right now.

Malcolm stirred, saw Trip looking at him and glanced away then back. “Regrets?” he asked tentatively.

Trip shook his head. “Not sure exactly all what I’m feelin’ right now, but regret isn’t one of ‘em.”

Malcolm smiled and drew him close and Trip went willingly.

~*~*~*~*~*~

By mutual agreement they decided to keep their relationship under wraps. Trip was tired of his personal life being known to the entire crew and Malcolm was an intensely private person by nature. So they were the Chief Engineer and the Armory officer, friends, on the bridge and lovers behind closed doors.

Two weeks in, Trip had finally worked out his feelings and Malcolm needed to know where he stood. In bed that night he broached the topic.

“Malcolm, I need to be honest with you. You need to know that I can’t—I’m not—“ _in love with you_ …

Malcolm gave him a soft smile. “Trip, it’s all right, I know. Your heart is still with the Captain. I knew that before I kissed you.”

Trip’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Then why…? What do you want out of this relationship?”

“Companionship,” Malcolm replied simply. “Ever since we met the crew of the future _Enterprise_ and I found out that I never find anyone, I never marry and I die alone… I’ve been wondering what’s wrong with me. Why I can’t make connections with people.”

Trip’s eyes narrowed. “Are you usin’ me as an _experiment_?”

Malcolm eyes widened almost comically. “What? No! That’s not what I meant, I—“

Trip cut him off with a laugh. “Malcolm, Malcolm, stop! I was joking. You’re just too easy to rile up.” His voice softened as he settled against the smaller man. “No, I could do with some companionship, too.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

It was the easiest relationship Trip had ever been in. No stress, no complications. And it came with an expiration date—when Trip left _Enterprise_. No messy breakup or hurt feelings. Trip had had enough of that to last a lifetime.

With Malcolm he found not only companionship, but the intimacy he’d been missing since ending his relationship with Jon. Not just physical, but emotional as well. He enjoyed sharing things about his day with Malcolm, discussing books or music or movies with him. And Malcolm came out of his shell and learned to be open and vulnerable and express his feelings as well. They were good for each other.

They were still Chief Engineer and Tactical officer, though, and still bumped heads on occasion. Trip was now the senior officer in this relationship and did overrule Malcolm a few times over the next several months. But Trip always made a point of talking it out in private, refusing to let things fester. If appropriate, apologies were made and given and they never went to bed with issues unresolved between them.

Malcolm had become his sounding board, encouraging Trip to talk to him about anything. Even Jon, as Trip still battled between his heart and his head. As time went on their relationship had become less strained but still awkward if they found themselves alone together. He didn’t think they would ever become the friends they once were.

But right now Trip had other things on his mind.

He set down the book he was trying to read on his bed and turned to Malcolm, who was sitting at Trip’s desk, going over some reports from his staff.

“I’ve been thinkin’,” Trip started.

“Well that’s always dangerous,” Malcolm joked as he turned around.

Trip shot him a look and Malcolm chuckled. “Sorry, go on. What have you been thinking about?”

“My options. I’ve decided not to transfer to _Columbia_ when we get back home.”

“You’re staying on _Enterprise_?”

He saw the spark of hope in Malcolm’s eyes and had to let him down gently. “No. I’ve done all I can with the warp 5 engine, whether it’s here or on _Columbia_. So I’ve been puttin’ out inquiries with Starfleet command. And I’ve been offered a position in R&D, heading up my own team working on the warp 7 engine.”

“Trip, that’s fabulous! I’m truly happy for you.”

“Thanks. I just… I fulfilled my goal of becoming chief engineer on the first warp 5 starship. I need a new challenge.”

“I have no doubt you’re up for it.”

“I might just put in a good word for _Enterprise_ being the first warp 7 ship,” Trip teased.

Malcolm joined him on the bed and drew him down. “Well let me see if I can convince you to do just that…”

But as it turned out, Trip would have to wait a while longer before he could begin his new challenge.

**END CHAPTER THREE**


	4. Chapter 4

Letting Trip go was the hardest thing Jon had ever done. It nearly broke him, and the next six months were hell. And he had no one to blame but himself.

Unlike Trip, he didn’t have the luxury of being able to confide his feelings to a group of close friends. He was the Captain and they were his crew. Though to be fair, T’Pol had offered to listen if he wanted to talk, but pouring out his heart to an emotionally-repressed Vulcan was less than appealing. So he suffered in silence.

Going back to his quarters one evening to find all of Trip’s belongings missing was a blow that nearly drove him to his knees. A tangible reminder that he’d driven away the man he’d loved for over a decade. Putting duty over his personal relationships instead of trying to find a balance between them both. Even Porthos knew something was wrong and it was almost as if he was asking Jon where Trip was. His other daddy. Porthos really was like their child, having adopted the pup together when he was only six-weeks-old.

He wondered if things would have been different if they’d been married. If they would’ve fought harder to make things work. But Jon once again took the blame, having never asked Trip to become his husband, so comfortable in their relationship for so long, assuming they would always be together, not needing a ring or a piece of paper. And now it was too late to put that ring on Trip’s finger.

Jon hadn’t realized how much of his free time he spent with Trip until he didn’t. He spent his downtime alone now, by himself in his quarters, surrounded by silence as he tried to read or watch water polo to distract himself from his loneliness. The nights were the worst, sleeping by himself, so used to Trip lying pressed against him, his dreams filled with the blond-haired, blue-eyed man, waking with an ache in his chest. There was a Trip-sized hole inside him he didn’t think could ever be filled.

Jon knew he could have easily joined in on the pick-up basketball games he occasionally came across in the gym, or the poker games in the mess hall, but he didn’t, wanting to give Trip his space. Trying to go from lovers to friends was awkward and uncomfortable for the first few months. He was “Captain” and “Sir” now as Trip set the new boundaries between them and Jon hoped one day soon he would feel comfortable calling him Jon again. Before Trip left _Enterprise_ forever. As difficult as this transition was, he was grateful he was able to convince Trip to remain on _Enterprise_ until they returned to Earth because he wasn’t ready to let him go quite yet. Not until he absolutely had to.

It was four months after their breakup that Jon noticed the change in Trip. And in Malcolm. He was aware that the two of them had been spending a great deal of time together over the last few months, but he suspected they’d now moved beyond friendship.

He watched them during movie night, their legs pressed together, hands brushing as they shared a bowl of popcorn in the dark. He watched them during the hand-to-hand sparring drills, how their touches lingered just a bit too long. He watched them on the bridge, Trip draped a bit too close over Malcolm’s shoulder. He watched Trip dip his head down close to Malcolm’s, sharing a smile as the turbolift door closed. It was subtle, but the signs were there. He was reminded that Malcolm had taken his place, accompanying Trip to Florida in his time of grief and how it appeared he had completely taken his place in Trip’s life.

And his suspicions were confirmed at 2 am one morning. Unable to sleep once again, Jon took Porthos for a walk, his feet unconsciously carrying him to B deck, to the corridor where Trip’s quarters were. Just as he came around the bend, the door to Trip’s room opened and out stepped Malcolm, his back to Jon, tugging down his shirt. He caught a fleeting glimpse of Trip’s profile, his expression soft as he watched Malcolm walk away down the corridor before closing the door.

Jon felt as if he’d been punched in the stomach, driving the breath from his lungs as the green-eyed monster of jealousy reared its ugly head. He wanted to march after Malcolm and tell the other man that Trip was his. Only he wasn’t. Not any more. Jon had pleaded with Trip to stay on _Enterprise_ , hoping beyond hope that they might find a way to reconcile. But instead, all Jon had done was drive him into the arms of another man.

Heart shattering into tiny pieces, Jon could only stare at Trip’s closed door, reminded once again of all that he had lost.

~*~*~*~*~*~

A month and a half later, fifteen days before _Enterprise_ was due to arrive back home, Jon found himself standing on the bridge, ready to address his senior staff regarding a message he had just received from Starfleet Command.

“I want to inform you all that our mission has been extended by at least another two months. More likely three. Starfleet Command has requested we circle back to the Berengarius System, to begin our previously aborted attempt at surveying the M-class planet and system for Earth’s first proposed starbase location. “

He saw the looks that passed between the members of his bridge crew, remembering the three green-skinned Orion sisters that were the reason they were pulled away from their initial survey of the system to begin with.

Then Malcolm chuckled. “The planet with the dragons, sir?”

“ _Dragons?_ ” Trip exclaimed from his engineering station and Jon was reminded that Trip hadn’t been on the bridge that morning when T’Pol read the Vulcan Science Directorate’s report that spoke of winged creatures that breathed fire.

“I _did_ say the report was under question,” T’Pol spoke up with an arched brow.

Jon grinned. “Well, we’re about to find out.” He clapped Travis on his shoulder. “Set a course, Mr. Mayweather.”

“Aye, sir,” the young helmsman replied with a smile.

Then the grin slid from Jon’s face as he walked over to the engineering station. He leaned in to Trip, his voice quiet. “I know this isn’t what we agreed on, that you’d be back on Earth within six months. I can arrange to have a Vulcan transport pick you up in a few days and take you home.”

Trip’s gaze flitted quickly to Malcolm and back. “No…that’s okay. I’ll stay. I just need to make a few calls, let some folks know I’ll be delayed. Besides…dragons?” he chuckled. “No way in hell I’m gonna miss that.”

While Jon shared in Trip’s amused laugh, he couldn’t help but wonder if it wasn’t Malcolm he was really staying for.

~*~*~*~*~*~

To no one’s surprise but to everyone’s playful disappointment, no dragons were discovered on the planet’s surface. There was, however, a plethora of other flora and fauna to be observed and categorized and the next two months were a flurry of activity for the majority of the crew on _Enterprise_. Teams were assembled based on specialties and qualifications and temporary housing built, under Trip’s direct supervision, easier to keep folks on the surface instead of shuttling back and forth to the ship.

Jon oversaw it all, caught up in the crew’s excitement in planting Earth’s flag for the first time, making ready this small section of planet for what would be the furthest human colony from Earth, not to mention a starbase. There would be much more work needed, but _Enterprise_ was laying the foundation and Jon was proud to be a part of it.

The survey teams spread out farther and farther from the central location as the days and weeks passed, mapping the terrain, collecting samples of soil and water, insects and plants and studying them intently, making sure the planet held no threats to human bodies. Jon was not going to be caught unawares again, like he’d been with the first uninhabited planet _Enterprise_ had ever visited where a toxic pollen had nearly taken the lives of five of his crew, Trip included.

Thankfully nothing harmful had been discovered so far and Jon hoped their luck would hold out for the next week, when their extended mission came to an end and _Enterprise_ began its two week-long journey back to Earth.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Jon finished sending his latest report to Starfleet and turned his head at Portho’s playful, hopeful bark. He’d taken the pup down to the surface with him numerous times and he knew Porthos was enjoying all the sun and fresh air.

“Sorry, boy, not this time,” he said, disappointing his pet, beginning to pack his duffel bag for his overnight trip to the surface, trying not to second guess what he was doing, if he was doing nothing but torturing himself.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Duffel in hand, dressed in his khaki away-gear, Jon made his way to the launch bay, where he knew Trip was packing a shuttlepod with additional supplies to take to the surface. He also knew Trip was expecting Crewman Rostov to join him as his survey partner for the next day and a half, hence his surprise at seeing Jon instead climb into the pod.

“Sir?”

“I hope you don’t mind if your captain joins you for one last away mission.”

There was the tiniest of pauses. “No, of course not,” Trip answered.

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. If you’d rather I not, please, just tell me. I was just hoping to spend some time with you before you leave.”

Trip’s expression softened. “I’d…like that, too.”

Relief settled in Jon’s chest and a few minutes later they were on their way down to the planet, which the crew had jokingly nicknamed ARCHER-1. It was lush and green and had several large oceans. It bore a striking resemblance to Earth, but still had alien qualities to it, like some of the plant life colored nearly neon shades of purple and blue and orange and the fish and wildlife were clearly species humans had never seen before.

The main encampment was a hub of activity, as always, and Jon and Trip joined in, unloading the supplies they brought down from _Enterprise_ and prepared for their overnight camping survey trip.

“I don’t think I’ve said it enough, but you’ve done an amazing job down here, Trip, all that you’ve done to get this set up and then running smoothly. There was no one else I felt comfortable putting in charge of this big of an operation.”

Trip paused, as if surprised by Jon’s praise and Jon felt a twinge of guilt. Another reminder that he should have done a better job over the years letting Trip know how important he was, both personally and professionally.

“Thanks, Cap’n,” Trip replied with a slow smile, and Jon realized how much he was going to miss that smile.

They set off on their hike a few minutes later with the grid coordinates of where they would be surveying and camping, wearing their hard-sided backpacks and carrying the rest of their gear. As they walked, Jon was reminded of all the hikes he and Trip had been on over the years, on various vacations and long weekends, before _Enterprise_. So many memories of happier times.

And Jon knew being here today had been a bad idea. But part of him wanted to hang on to Trip for as long as he could. But it was like trying to capture smoke in his hands. Trip was drifting away and would soon be gone from Jon’s life. And there was nothing he could do about it. He didn’t think he would ever love someone as much as he loved Trip. And truth be told, he never even wanted to try. It would be his penance for driving Trip away.

Conversation between them was still a bit stilted and awkward whenever they found themselves alone with one another, but it had gotten better over the last several months, and Jon let Trip’s warm, southern drawl wash over him as they walked, as Trip told him about various goings-on at the encampment, all the progress that was still being made on a daily basis.

Jon consulted the map on the padd he held as he and Trip climbed up a hillside. Their survey coordinates began just on the other side.

“I mean, did we even _bring_ an Earth flag with us to plant here—Whoa!”

Jon picked up his head at Trip’s exclamation, his mouth falling open as he saw what lay on the opposite side of the hill.

“A _ship?_ What the hell?” Trip quickly dug around in his pack and withdrew his camera, snapping several pictures before taking off down the hill and Jon hurried after him, stunned at their unexpected discovery.

As they got closer Jon realized that the ship had been there for quite a long time and that the damage to it suggested it had landed hard. From the size of it, it looked like it could hold a crew of around twenty or so.

Trip lay his hand on the hull, his blue eyes wide. “Wow! It’s like findin’ buried treasure!”

Jon couldn’t help but laugh, as excited as Trip was. They entered with caution, though, both aware that there was a possibility they may find bodies inside. But thankfully that wasn’t the case—the ship was deserted.

“I wonder what happened to them,” Jon mused as he looked around the interior. The ship’s door seal had been tight and the air inside was musty.

“I didn’t see any weapons-fire scorch marks on the hull. Could’ve been a systems failure that brought ‘em down,” Trip guessed.

The alien writing was like nothing Jon had seen before. “Perhaps their own people were able to retrieve them. We didn’t pick up on any kind of technology on the planet, so I don’t think they’ve been living here somewhere since their crash.”

There was a spark in Trip’s eyes. “They might be a species worth gettin’ to know. Not a big ship. Don’t think they’d have been travelin’ far. We might have neighbors out here.” He cocked his head. “Worth taking some time to find out what we can about them?”

Jon nodded as he set his gear down. “I couldn’t agree more. Let’s get to work.”

It was as if the last eight months of tension between them had never happened as they worked alongside each other, once again comfortable in each other’s presence, trying to discover the secrets the ship might hold. Jon hadn’t seen this wide-eyed, child-like enthusiasm in Trip for…years, as he crawled around the engine room, entirely in his element. The ease with which Trip spoke to him gave Jon sudden hope that they could indeed become friends, and stay that way, after Trip left _Enterprise_. Jon would take that over Trip disappearing from his life forever. He was now glad he’d come along today, feeling this discovery was meant to be, to let them reconnect with each other, to remind him what a great team they made.

“Wonder if I could get her up and runnin’ again,” Trip smiled.

Jon grinned back. “If anyone can, it’ll be you.”

“We’ll need to get some more people out here, especially Hoshi, see if she can make head or tails outta this writing. Need to get a generator, too, see if we can get some power flowin’ through some systems.”

“We’ll get on it when we get back tomorrow. I’m thinking we use the ship as our base camp for the night?”

“Good idea,” Trip agreed. “Wish we could use the crew quarters but I don’t think we’d fit.”

They’d quickly discovered that this alien species was approximately half the size of an average human based on the height of the work stations, chairs and the size of their bunks.

“In the meantime we’d better get started surveying this area,” Jon said.

Trip nodded and went to move past him, heading for the door, but Jon lay a hand on his arm.

“We make a good team,” he said quietly.

A look of melancholy crossed Trip’s face. “Yeah, we did,” he replied softly before he stepped out the door, and Jon could only watch him go, heaviness in his heart.

~*~*~*~*~*~

They gathered up their backpacks and set off south of the ship. They walked through a forested area and came to a field on the other side.

“Wow, now ain’t that pretty?” Trip commented as they gazed at the neon orange plant life that covered the field, looking like carpeting.

“On the other side of this field and through the trees is a small lake,” Jon told Trip, as he consulted his padd. “We’ll get samples of the plant life here and of the water then have a late lunch/early dinner and head back to the ship?”

“Sounds good,” Trip agreed.

They both removed their backpacks. Jon took out several plastic sample bags from his and headed for neon orange plant life while Trip took a moment to take out his camera to snap a few pictures of the unusual sight.

Jon’s brain registered something was wrong as soon as his feet walked out onto the plant life but it was too late. For there wasn’t hard-packed soil beneath the foliage, but a viscous quicksand-like liquid. He immediately lost his footing and fell sideways down into the substance with a yell.

“Jon!”

He heard Trip shout his name in alarm as he felt his lower body being sucked down. He barely managed to pull his arms above the surface but he was sinking fast, already submerged above his waist. He gasped for breath as Trip shouted at him to try not to move, lest he sink faster.

He saw Trip yanking out a length of rope from both his pack and Jon’s. He tied one around his waist and tethered it to the nearest tree, then tied off the second rope as well, holding the end in his hand, making a loop.

Even without moving, Jon was sinking rapidly, up to his neck now, the weight of the liquid compressing his lungs, his vision going spotty from lack of oxygen. Trip charged forward, right to the edge. And like a cowboy out of one of his favorite John Ford westerns, Trip threw the lasso with perfect aim, landing over one of Jon’s outstretched arms, tightening around his forearm. Just as Jon’s head slipped under he felt Trip start pulling on the rope, his head slowly breaking the surface again. He gasped for air, unable to help Trip, his limbs weighed down by the thick liquid.

Trip strained to pull Jon in, finally getting his upper body back on firm ground.

“Jon, Jon!”

Trip tugged him the rest of the way out of the quicksand and tried to raise him up, but Jon’s legs didn’t cooperate and they both tumbled to the ground, lying on their sides, facing each other, gripping each other’s upper arms.

Jon could feel the small tremors racing through Trip’s body. He saw the fear in those blue eyes but beneath the fear in this unguarded moment was the love he clearly still felt for Jon, what Jon had seen in those eyes for a decade, and Jon’s heart skipped a beat.

“Jon, talk to me!” Trip demanded, his voice shaking.

Jon swiped a hand down his face, flicking away the thick liquid. “Well, now we know what to stay the hell away from on this planet,” he panted and Trip barked out a laugh, briefly resting their foreheads together and Jon soaked in this moment of closeness with him.

“Come on,” Trip said, getting to his feet, stretching out his hand to help Jon up. “I think we’ve had enough fun for the day. Let’s get you back to the ship and cleaned up.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

It took some doing to do just that but eventually Jon was cleaned off as best as he could be, thanks to using some of the sheets off the alien crew’s beds. He and Trip both removed their soiled clothes and dressed in clean ones they’d brought along for their camping trip. While Jon cleaned up, Trip strung up their khaki uniforms to dry.

Trip wanted to call a halt to their survey mission for the day but Jon insisted he felt fine so they set off again, this time giving the orange plant life a wide berth after collecting a sample of it. They made their way cautiously around the field and through the trees to the small lake. They took samples of the brilliant turquoise water and surrounding plant life and soil and Trip took photos of the landscape and also of several different types of fish that swam in the shallows close to the shore.

“Wonder if any of ‘em taste like catfish,” he joked.

They decided against having their dinner at the lake, as the shore was too rocky so they made their way back to the ship as the sun began to set.

Trip got a fire started and they pulled a few mattresses out of the bunks to use as cushions, then set up their tents. They ate their meal packs for dinner under the light of the planet’s two moons, in what started off in comfortable silence but it wasn’t long before Jon picked up on a change in Trip’s demeanor. He knew from years of experience it meant something was on the younger man’s mind. But before he could ask what it was, Trip spoke.

“Jon, I’ve been meanin’ to tell you something.”

Jon set down his plate. “What is it?”

“I’m not transferring to _Columbia_.”

Jon’s eyes widened in surprise and hope blossomed inside him. “You’re staying on _Enterprise_?”

But Trip slowly shook his head and the spark of hope died within Jon.

“No. I’ve been offered a position in R&D. At the Complex. Heading up my own team, working on the warp 7 engine.”

Jon was taken aback at the news but congratulated the engineer. “Trip, that’s fantastic. I’m happy for you. They’re lucky to have you. No one’s better qualified to work on that new engine than you.”

Trip gave him a small smile. “Thanks, Jon. That means a lot.”

Jon forced a smile to his face. “This means _Enterprise_ is first in line for the upgrade, right?”

Trip’s laugh was a bit strained. “I’ll see what I can do.”

Weighted silence reigned for a moment.

“You won’t miss being out here?” Jon asked.

Trip looked thoughtful. “Honestly, yeah, I will. But working on the same engine on _Columbia_?” He shook his head. “I need a new challenge. It’s time for me to move on.”

Trip held Jon’s gaze for a long moment, his last words laced with double meaning, pain and hurt within his eyes. Then he stood and retreated to his tent.

Jon’s chest twisted painfully as he watched Trip walk away. While he was genuinely happy for the talented engineer, he felt any hope of reconciliation slip away. If Trip were on _Columbia_ , Jon would at least have the chance of running into him out amongst the stars or back in San Francisco at Starfleet HQ. But with Trip assigned to the Complex instead, there would be no reason for Jon to just drop in on him all the way out in Montana.

Depression settling over him like a heavy blanket, it was a long time before Jon fell asleep that night.

**END CHAPTER FOUR**


	5. Chapter 5

Despite Trip’s insistence not to, the crew threw him a Farewell/Good Luck party in the mess hall two weeks later, the day before _Enterprise_ would arrive back at Earth. As he knew it would, which is why he hadn’t wanted a gathering, it drove home how much he would be leaving behind. There were tears in Hoshi’s eyes, a sad smile on Travis’s face and even T’Pol expressed how much she would miss him. He stayed as long as he could, a fake smile on his face until it became too much and he retreated here to his quarters, sitting on his bed, his possessions packed in several boxes at his feet.

The door chime sounded and he raised his head. “Come in.”

He smiled affectionately as Malcolm walked in. By mutual agreement, they’d ended things between them a month ago, making Trip’s leaving easier on them both.

Trip stood, crossing his arms over his chest. “I told you I didn’t want a party.”

Malcolm shrugged, unrepentant. “Too bad, Commander. Everyone wanted to say goodbye.” He stepped closer. “And so do I.”

They embraced warmly for a long minute.

“Thank you, Malcolm,” Trip said softly when they parted. “For everything. I don’t know how I would’ve gotten through these months without you.”

“I’m glad I could help.” His smile was tinged with sadness. “I’m going to miss you, Trip. It won’t be the same around here without you. You promise you’ll keep in touch?”

“Hell yeah, I’m gonna need to live vicariously through you. And you promise me you’ll stay safe?”

Malcolm nodded. “I’ll do my best.”

“And…watch out for him, will you?” Trip asked quietly.

Malcolm gazed steadily at him. “Of course. Do you…?” _Still love him?_

Trip nodded. “I think a part of me always will.”

Malcolm nodded slowly in return. He squeezed Trip’s arm and turned to go. “Good luck, Trip.”

“Malcolm, wait.” He caught the other man’s elbow and Malcolm turned around. “I hope you know now, there is _nothing_ wrong with you. Just…open yourself up, like you did with me. Let yourself be a little vulnerable, let people get to know the real you. You’ve got a lot to give someone. I know the right person’s out there for you.”

Malcolm’s blue eyes shone with gratitude and he embraced Trip again.

“Thank you, Trip. For everything,” he whispered.

He left with a warm smile and a small piece of Trip’s heart.

~*~*~*~*~*~

A short while later Trip stood at his window, watching the stars streak past, his mind a jumble of emotions. It was hard to believe this would be his last night aboard _Enterprise_ , the last night he would feel the vibrations of the warp engine, _his_ engine, surrounding him.

It had been twelve years, but it felt like yesterday, waiting on pins and needles down in the Keys, wondering if he would be assigned to the NX engineering team. It seemed as if he had come full circle, once again on an NX engineering team. He was excited at the challenge but it was tempered by a sense of loss for all that he was leaving behind. And why.

But it was best this way—a clean break. He had to be honest and say the “let’s be friends” just wasn’t going to work with he and Jon. There was too much intimate history between them. He’d only felt one spark of their friendship these last nine months—during the survey mission, working together on that crashed ship. Jon was right—they’d made a good team. Until Starfleet and duty got in the way. But like he’d told Malcolm, despite everything, a piece of him would always love Jon. He was reminded of that when he thought Jon was going to drown in the quicksand.

He had a feeling Jon was hoping they would reconcile, but with command, and rank, standing between them, it just wasn’t going to happen.

His door chime sounded again, pulling him from his thoughts. “Come in.”

A happy bark was the reply and he couldn’t help but grin when a beagle came bounding over, tail wagging furiously. Trip swallowed hard as he crouched down, petting Porthos, giving the pup a kiss on the top of his furry head. “Gonna miss, you, boy.”

“All packed?”

Trip looked up to see Jon standing next to his bed.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

An uncomfortable silence fell between them, neither of them knowing what to say. How to say goodbye.

Jon cleared his throat. “What are your plans after we get home?”

“Well, I’ve got six weeks leave before I need to report to the Complex. All my stuff’s being shipped out there, to an apartment Starfleet’s already arranged for me. But I’m gonna head to Mississippi for a couple weeks, see my parents. I haven’t ever been to their house there since...” _The Xindi attack destroyed my childhood home_. “And Mark and Katie will be there, too.”

“I’m glad you’ll get to see everyone.”

_And tell them about us… “_ Then I’m gonna head down to the Keys, spend the rest of the time at the cottage, do some work for Marty at Hook’s.”

Jon nodded. “Good, good. You deserve a vacation.”

Porthos jumped up on the bed, paws on Trip’s chest. Trip scratched behind his ears. “You be a good boy, okay?”

“I want you to take Porthos.”

Trip shot Jon a surprised look. “What?”

“As much as I’ve loved having him here with us, he doesn’t belong on a starship. He needs the outdoors and sun and fresh air.” Jon tried to grin. “I hear there’s a lot of that in Montana.” He paused. “And he loves you. And…I don’t want you to be alone.”

Trip’s chest tightened at Jon’s words. “Are…are you sure?”

Jon nodded as he pet the beagle, his voice rough. “Just…send me pictures of him once in a while.”

There didn’t seem to be anything left to say, the air saturated with emotions that couldn’t be put into words. Jon reached out a hand as if to touch Trip, but let it fall before he did. He took a step toward the door then turned around. “For what it’s worth… I’m sorry, Trip. For everything.”

Trip forced the words past the constriction in his throat. “So am I, Jon. So am I.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

The next afternoon, Trip lingered on _Enterprise_ until nearly all the crew had departed on shuttles headed down from space dock to Earth. He walked the empty corridors, Porthos at his side, making one last trip to Engineering. He stood in front of his engine, his baby, one final time, laying a hand on the cool metal, blinking back moisture stinging his eyes. So many memories. Some good, some bad. But he would carry them with him always.

He gave a pat to his engine and turned to Porthos. “Come on boy, time to go.”

He watched _Enterprise_ for as long as he could from his seat on the shuttle. Even though everyone wanted it, there was no guarantee that she would get a warp 7 engine. This might be the last time Trip ever saw her. And he felt a sharp flash of anger at Jon at the thought, at all Trip was having to leave behind.

He hardened his jaw and turned away from the window. No more looking back. It was time to move forward.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Two days after _Enterprise_ returned to space dock, Jon was summoned to Starfleet HQ for a meeting with Admiral Gardner. The meeting wasn’t unexpected, the top brass wanting its usual debrief and Jon had no doubt he would be receiving his new orders. Normally that thought would have filled him with excited anticipation, but things were different now.

He’d spent the last two days alone in the apartment he and Trip used to share, the silence deafening. There was no Trip bustling about with his smiles and laughter filling the rooms. There was no Porthos running around underfoot, wanting a walk or begging for cheese. All that he had lost hit home once again. Compounded by the fact that he’d been tasked with finding Trip’s replacement. It was hard to imagine anyone other than Charles Tucker III as Chief Engineer.

Another pang of loss hit Jon as he approached Admiral Gardner’s office, reminding him once again of the death of his long-time friend, Admiral Maxwell Forrest. He missed his council and support. Which he could have used right now. And then today of all days, Jon had to notice his own portrait hanging on the wall. He’d ignored it so many times before, in the last four years whenever he was here at HQ, uncomfortable with the attention. But today he paused, vividly remembering sitting on the bridge, in his captain’s chair, as Trip tried over and over to take his picture for the artist in Oakland to paint from. And after all his careful attempts it ended up being a candid shot he snapped that was used. _“Captain Archer in command.”_ Trip’s proud voice echoed in his head and Jon swallowed hard past the tightening in his throat.

He took a beat to compose himself before pressing the door chime on Gardner’s office door. A moment later it slid open and Jon walked in just as Gardner stood up from behind his desk.

“Jon, come in,” Gardner welcomed him with a smile and a handshake. “Welcome home. Good to see you.”

Jon returned the handshake. “You, too, Admiral,” he replied as he took a seat on the opposite side of the desk.

“All of us here at HQ couldn’t be prouder of you and your crew, all that you’ve accomplished this past year. Especially laying the groundwork for the new starbase,” Gardner told him as he sat back down.

“Glad we could help.”

“I hope you’ll be able to relax over the next eight weeks while _Enterprise_ goes through her upgrades and retrofits. You’ve certainly earned the downtime,” he grinned. “I’ve scheduled your official debrief with the command council for tomorrow, but there’s something I’d like you to think about before then.”

Jon tipped his head. “Sir?”

Gardner leaned forward, folding his arms on his desk. “I have a proposition for you—stay on as Captain for a new, five year mission or accept a position as an instructor at Starfleet Academy. Your expertise is welcomed and invaluable in either no matter what you decide.”

Jon was rendered speechless for a long moment at the completely unexpected offer.

“Thank you, sir,” he finally replied. “Sorry, but you’ve caught me a bit off-guard. May I have some time to decide?”

Gardner sat back in his chair. “Of course. Take the next four weeks to mull things over. That will give us time to either begin the process of finding _Enterprise_ a new Captain or a replacement instructor at the Academy.”

Gardner stood and so did Jon, shaking hands once more. “I look forward to hearing from you, Jon.”

Jon walked out of headquarters and out into the San Francisco sunshine in a daze, his mind whirling. He sat down on a bench overlooking the Golden Gate bridge, carefully considering everything Gardner had said. Back out into space for the next five years or Earth-bound for the foreseeable future?

It was hard to imagine giving up his command after working so hard and so long for it. There was only one reason he would consider it, and it wasn’t to teach. But if giving up his command allowed him to gain back what he’d lost he would gladly accept the teaching position.

Maybe this was a sign that Jon shouldn’t ignore. An opportunity to fix things. But it all hinged on a call he needed to make. A ‘yes’ answer would mean Jon would head back into space, period. A ‘no’ answer meant he had four weeks to delay that decision, hoping in the end he _wouldn’t_ be headed back into space.

With thoughts of a blond-haired, blue-eyed man foremost in his mind, Jon set off to make that call, his stomach churning, his future hinging on a simple, one word answer.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Jon forced himself to wait until the following afternoon before placing his call, giving himself time to consider his options once more. But his decision remained unchanged. He needed to make one last attempt, to know if things were truly over or if there was still a chance to make things right.

He sat down in front of his personal comm station in his apartment, took a long breath and initiated the call. A few moments later the face of Malcolm Reed appeared on his screen and butterflies swarmed in Jon’s stomach. The Lieutenant’s brows rose in surprise.

“Captain!”

Jon put on a smile. “Hello, Malcolm. How are you?”

“Very well, sir, thank you.”

“Enjoying being back in England?”

Malcolm nodded. “I am. It’s been a long time since I’ve been home.”

Jon took another breath. It was now or never. “Malcolm, the reason I’m calling… I have a very personal question to ask you. And you absolutely do not have to answer if you don’t want to.”

Malcolm frowned. “Sir?”

His future resting on his question, Jon gambled, hoping Malcolm would indeed answer.

“Are you and Trip…still together?”

Malcolm’s eyes widened. “I…wasn’t aware that you knew about our relationship. We didn’t say anything to anyone… “

“I know you were keeping it quiet. But I picked up on a few things, put two and two together…”

Malcolm cleared his throat, looking decidedly uncomfortable. “I’m sorry if we—“

Jon waved him off. “You have nothing to apologize for. Our relationship was over.”

“And so is ours,” Malcolm answered gently. Jon’s heart skipped a beat as he continued. “We decided to end things about a month before we returned to Earth, since Trip would be staying and I would be returning to _Enterprise_.”

Hope blossomed within Jon. “I—thank you for telling me.”

“Permission to speak freely, sir?”

Jon huffed out a laugh. “I think we’re already past that.”

Malcolm gave him a pointed look. “It’s not my business to know why you’re asking, but…he still loves you.” He paused, his next words weighted. “I don’t know if he can forgive you, though.”

Jon’s chest clenched. He had his answer. And more. Trip still loved him. Now he had to prove he was worthy of that love and that he would never hurt him ever again. He needed to get to Florida. To place his future in Trip’s hands.

**END CHAPTER FIVE**


	6. Chapter 6

Two weeks after leaving _Enterprise_ , Trip wearily let himself into his small beachside cottage in the Florida Keys. Porthos bounded past him, tail wagging, nose to the ground, eagerly exploring his surroundings. At least someone was excited to be here. Trip really didn’t know what he was feeling. Except exhausted. He dropped his duffel bag and sat down heavily on the couch, rubbing his hands over his face. The last two weeks in Mississippi with his family had drained him.

It was the first time he’d been to his parent’s new house since Panama City was destroyed in the Xindi attack. It was a beautiful home but it wasn’t… _home_. His older brother and sister, Mark and Katie, were there, too. Trip should have been happy to be surrounded by his family that he hadn’t seen in more than a year, but all it did was drive home the fact that one of them _wasn’t_ there—Lizzie. He thought he’d said goodbye to his baby sister while writing a condolence letter to another grieving family, but instead, seeing photos of her in his parent’s home, it brought back his own grief ten-fold.

And then he’d had to tell them all that he and Jon were no longer together. To say they were surprised was an understatement as he’d never given them any indication anything was wrong. He gave them a condensed version of what happened. He absently rubbed his thumb over the scar on his wrist. Well, maybe not everything. But enough for them to understand why the relationship ended.

On top of that, he dropped the bomb on them that he would not be returning to _Enterprise_ but instead staying here on Earth, working in R&D.

After all of that his family walked on eggshells around him, not knowing what to say or how to act, making for an uncomfortable two weeks. It had been a mistake to visit. He should have just comm’d them with everything he needed to tell them.

It was with relief that he left this afternoon, despite his mother wanting him to stay for his birthday, which was in another three days. But the last thing he felt like doing was celebrating. All he wanted was to be alone.

So here he was, alone with his thoughts. And his memories. What the hell had he been thinking, coming here of all places? He looked around, noticing the empty spots where picture frames and other items used to be.

He remembered last year, being here with Malcolm, confiding in him about what was happening with him and Jon. And in a fit of drunken anger, he’d gathered up every photo of Jon, every article of clothing, anything of his in the cottage and threw it all in a box and shoved it in his closet. Where it still was. But despite the physical reminders of Jon no longer in view, his presence was still in every nook and cranny of the cottage. Trip had always thought of this place as cozy. Now it felt claustrophobic.

Depression settling over him once again, Trip heaved himself to his feet and stepped back outside onto his patio. Porthos followed him a minute later, running around in the sand, lifting his leg on every palm tree, giving Trip a happy bark. He couldn’t help but smile at the beagle. He was eternally grateful Jon had asked him to take Porthos. He didn’t know what he’d have done these past few weeks without the pup. He was the one bright spot in Trip’s life, distracting him from his troubles. It was like Porthos sensed they needed each other, just as Trip sensed Porthos missed Jon, too.

_Jon…_ Trip sat down on the patio chair and looked out at the ocean, at the gentle waves breaking onshore. How many times had he and Jon gone swimming out there over the years? Lay on blankets on the sand, making love?

Trip shook his head, trying to banish the memories as his chest clenched. He thought of their last away mission, when Jon had nearly died in the quicksand. Almost losing Jon forever brought his love for him back up to the surface. And he knew they could never be just friends. They’d tried these past nine months but it just didn’t work. Too much intimacy between them to pretend it never happened and start over. This clean break was best for both of them—Trip here on Earth and Jon out among the stars.

Forcing his thoughts away from Jon, Trip stood and called Porthos over to him. He needed to head into town, get something to eat and then go and see Marty. Where he needed to tell his stories all over again.

“C’mon boy. Let’s get this over with, then see if we can salvage something out of the next few weeks we’re here.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

The last time Trip had been to Florida, it was like something out of a nightmare. The destruction had been almost too overwhelming to comprehend in Panama City. Down here in the Keys they had been less hard-hit, but severe damage had still been done.

But now, a little over a year later, the town had bounced back. Trip could see the spots of new wood next to old all along the boardwalk and on several buildings where repairs had been made. A few businesses couldn’t be saved and had been knocked down, the owners unable to rebuild, the empty spaces a reminder of the horrible tragedy. But for the most part things had gotten back to normal and it lifted Trip’s spirits slightly.

He made his way to Paddy O’Brien’s seafood shack, his mouth watering in anticipation of the best fish and chips he’d ever eaten as soon as the aroma hit his nose. Porthos, too, was sniffing the air, his tongue wagging and Trip smiled, knowing he was going to be sharing his dinner. Sure enough, Porthos enjoyed pieces of cod and the occasional chip as Trip stood at the railing of the boardwalk, eating his dinner, watching the sun start its slow descent.

He tossed his trash in a nearby garbage can and then started off toward Captain Hook’s Marina and Dive Center. He’d deliberately waited until the end of the day when Marty would be closing up shop so they could talk without being disturbed by customers.

As Trip drew closer to the marina he vividly remembered his fear a year ago that not only had he lost his hometown and his sister, but that he had possibly lost Marty and Hook’s as well. He’d never been so relieved to discover both had survived. A little worse for wear, but still here. Both held a special place in Trip’s heart. Hook’s was his home away from home every summer when he was a teenager, working for Marty, a long-time family friend. In turn, Marty taught him how to scuba dive and how to repair boat engines. It was that experience that put Trip on his path to joining Starfleet and becoming an engineer.

He turned off the boardwalk onto the dock, spying the sign for Captain Hook’s and almost directly beneath it was the owner, gathering up the folding deck chairs for the night. Martin McGillis was 68 years-old now, but didn’t know the word “retirement”. He was as fit and spry now as he’d been a decade ago. Still tall and broad, deeply tanned, his skull and crossbones tattoo still prominent on his upper arm, his long hair still pulled back in a ponytail, though it was all white now. Marty was a sailor through and through.

“Hey boss,” Trip called out and Martin turned.

His face lit up when he saw Trip and he stalked forward and gathered Trip in a bear hug. “God, it’s good to see you, kid.”

Trip returned the embrace. “You, too, Marty.”

Porthos barked and Martin reached down to pet the squirming beagle. “Yes, you too, boy.” Martin’s smile slid from his face when he looked back up at Trip. “Jon not with you again?” he frowned.

Trip shook his head, feeling his throat closing up. “You got some time to talk?”

“For you kid, always.” He squeezed Trip’s upper arm. “Come in for a minute, let me finish closing up.”

Trip followed him inside and took a deep breath. He’d always loved how this place smelled—old wood, fishing gear, the ocean. He stayed at the front desk while Martin went into his office, his gaze wandering around the familiar store until it stopped on the Wall of Fame. Jon’s photo was still there, posing proudly next to the massive tarpon he’d caught, not long after he and Trip had met, standing right here at this same front desk.

At the time Trip thought it was a chance meeting, wide-eyed with excitement and disbelief at not only meeting Commander Archer but teaching him to scuba dive as well. It was months later before Jon confessed it wasn’t chance at all—that he’d gone all the way to Florida for an opportunity to get to know Trip after the young Lieutenant impressed him with questions during his guest lecture in Trip’s advanced warp engineering class.

Trip closed his eyes as memories threatened to overwhelm him. If only he’d fought harder against his attraction to Jon, if only he’d stuck to his rule about never again getting involved with someone in Starfleet…

“You okay, kid?”

Trip opened his eyes to find Martin standing before him. “Not really,” he confessed.

“I’ve got just the thing.” Martin lifted up a bottle of scotch and two glasses. Trip shook his head and tried to grin. “C’mon.”

Martin led them out of the shop, locking up behind him and then started off down the dock, Trip and Porthos following him. Martin’s destination—the _Triple Play_.

Trip climbed aboard and lay his hand reverently on the wheel, thankful once again she had survived the destruction with minimal damage. She was an old boat now, but meant the world to Trip. Even if being on her brought up even more memories of Jon.

Trip sat down on one of the benches on the bow, Martin on one side of him, Porthos on the other.

“If you want to talk, I’m here to listen,” Martin said quietly. “Or we can just sit here and drink.”

Trip swallowed hard. “Can we do both?”

“Sure we can.”

Martin poured them both a hefty shot of scotch, which Trip threw back, closing his eyes against the burn.

“Jon and I…it’s over.” His hollow words echoed in the setting sun.

“Damn,” Martin muttered. He put his arm across Trip’s shoulder and squeezed. “I’m so sorry, Charlie.”

Trip blinked at the name Martin hadn’t called him since he was little.

“I knew something was wrong when he didn’t come with you last year but I was hoping you’d worked things out.”

Trip laughed without humor. “No, things just got worse.”

He proceeded to give the same condensed version of events to Marty that he’d given his family, including him leaving _Enterprise_ , but once again leaving out his suicide attempt. He was the only one who deserved to shoulder that burden. And as he talked, he drank, trying once again to drown his pain in alcohol, just like last year.

When he finished Martin sat in stunned silence for a heartbeat. “I just…I can’t believe Jon’s treated you like that. Repeatedly. That he’s changed that much.”

Trip drank again, his words heavy and thick now. “I was stupid to think he wouldn’t. I should’ve known being in command would force him into bein’ a different person.”

“That doesn’t excuse his actions toward you. You’re not to blame.”

Trip shot up, flinging his arms wide. “But I am! Don’t you see?”

Martin frowned. “No, I don’t. This is on Jon, not you.”

Trip shook his head. “I _told you_ I never wanted to get involved with someone from Starfleet again. Not after Rick. But did I listen to my head? No! I listened to my heart instead. And look what it got me!” His shoulders sagged. “I did this to myself. How dumb was I to think I could have a relationship and a career? And this is my punishment.”

Martin stood. “Charlie, no.”

But Trip let the alcohol keep speaking for him. “But even after everything…I still love him, Marty.”

A sob broke free then, as Trip let himself truly grieve the end of their relationship. Martin pulled him close as the tears fell, as the alcohol continued to lower his walls, letting in even more pain.

“I miss him…and I miss _her_ ,” Trip slurred, raising his head.

“Who?”

“Lizzie. She should be here.”

Martin sighed. “I know she should.”

“It’s not fair.”

“I know it’s not,” Martin said gently.

“I don’t…I don’t even have someplace to go to visit her. Nothing to bury…no grave.”

Martin’s eyes shone with unshed moisture. “You don’t need a physical place to go to remember her. Because she’s right here.” He lay a hand over Trip’s heart. “She always will be.”

And the tears fell once again for all that Trip had lost.

**END CHAPTER SIX**


	7. Chapter 7

_“Never stop seeking what seems unobtainable_.”

The wraith’s words on a rogue planet echoed in Jon’s head as he made his way down the boardwalk toward Captain Hook’s Marina and Dive Center two days before Trip’s birthday. He’d been watching the shop for the past hour waiting for Trip to leave, which he had just done, taking out a group of tourists on a fishing charter. His chest had clenched when he’d seen Trip, realizing he had this one last chance to fix things.

He took a long breath as he approached the front door, steeling himself for the harsh conversation, and reproach, to come. All of which he deserved. Martin McGillis was protective of Trip, a second father to him since he was a small child, nurturing Trip’s love of engineering and scuba diving. And over the years he’d become an extremely good friend of Jon’s. But he knew Martin’s loyalty would always be to Trip first and Martin wasn’t going to stand for Jon hurting him.

The shop was empty when he entered and Martin looked up from his paperwork from where he was sitting at the front desk when the door opened. His eyes widened when he saw Jon, then narrowed.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Jon paused at the anger in Martin’s words, confirmation Trip had told him everything. He held up his hands. “Hear me out? Please?”

Martin’s hard stare bored into him. “You have five minutes. And then I’m tossing you out.”

“I know there’s nothing I can say as an apology that you’ll accept, so I’m not even going to try,” Jon started. “But I’m here to make things right with Trip.”

Martin jabbed a finger toward him. “You need to leave him the hell alone. He’s already transferred off of _Enterprise_ , trying to get away from you! Giving up his dream. You’ve done enough damage to him.”

Jon had no defense. He took all of the anger and blame and self-recrimination.

“I’ve known that boy since he was two-years-old and I’ve never seen him like this.”

Jon’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“He’s _broken_ , Jon.”

Jon’s stomach twisted painfully. “I know it’s my fault, that I did this to him…”

“Yeah, try telling _him_ that. Because he blames himself.”

Jon shook his head in confusion. “What? Why?”

“Because he should have known this would never work. Because he never wanted to get involved with anyone from Starfleet again. Not after Rick.” Martin blew out breath. “I saw how much the end of that relationship hurt him, and they’d only been together for two years. But losing you? After _twelve_ years? This is a thousand times worse.”

Martin stood and walked over to Jon. “You know he fought against his attraction to you. He thinks this is his punishment for not listening to his own warnings. You and I both know that’s a bunch of crap, but he’d rather blame himself than admit how much you hurt him.”

“I know I have…”

Martin cut him off, his words sharp. “Do you? Do you really? When you didn’t come down here with him last year after the Xindi attack, I couldn’t believe it. If you’d have just been his commanding officer, I would’ve understood. You’d have been under no obligation. But you’d been in a relationship for _eleven years_! And you let him face all that destruction…his _sister’s death_ without you? How could you? He was _shattered_ , Jon. He still is.”

Martin’s words cut deep, as they were intended to, and once again Jon had no defense against them. He was ashamed of himself. But that’s why he was here, to make up for everything.

Martin crossed his arms over his chest. “So tell me Jon, why are you here? Do you think you can get him back? Are you here to tell him you’ve changed? That things will be different? It’s too late for that. You need to get back on your starship and let Trip get on with his life.”

Jon drew himself up, his voice strong. “What if I don’t want to get back on my starship? What if Trip is more important to me than that?”

“More important than your life’s work?” Martin scoffed.

“ _Yes_ ,” he replied emphatically, from the heart. “And I’m here to prove that to him.”

He took a box out of his pocket and showed Martin the contents. “But I need your help…”

When he finished speaking several minutes later, Martin’s expression had softened somewhat, but he was still skeptical.

“You’re serious about this? Because you can’t change your mind in a few years because you had second thoughts and leave him here, Jon. He wouldn’t survive that.”

“I’ll never leave him, Marty,” Jon vowed, his voice catching. “He’s not the only one that’s broken.”

Martin held his gaze for a long moment, weighing Jon’s words before he nodded. “I’ll help you. But you have to swear to me, Jon, if he says no, that’s the end of this. You leave him be and don’t contact him again.”

Jon was sick at the thought of leaving here without Trip but knew he would accept Trip’s decision if it came to that. “I promise.”

Martin slowly nodded. “Okay, then. I truly hope you can work things out and I’m sorry if I was harsh with you. But I love that boy and I can’t stand seeing him in so much pain.”

“That makes two of us.”

Martin held out his hand, which Jon took gratefully. “Then let’s see if we can make him smile again.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

After leaving things with Martin on a hopeful note, it was with renewed determination that Jon set about putting the rest of his plan into action. His next stop—Pier 51.

Jon’s gaze roved as he made his way to the opposite end of the boardwalk. He couldn’t help but notice the new wood mixed in with the old, the buildings that were missing, the repaired roof on Hook’s—reminders of the Xindi attack. And the Keys had escaped the worst of it. A stab of guilt once again shot through Jon, thinking of Trip facing the total destruction of his hometown of Panama City without him there for support. Because he had once again put duty ahead of the man he loved. _No more_ , Jon vowed. _Never again_. And if all went well in two days, Trip would know that, too.

Pier 51 was fairly quiet this early in the afternoon, business at the affluent seafood restaurant picking up in the evening hours. It wasn’t hard to spot the owner, Antonio—the short, stout gray-haired man dressed immaculately in a three-piece suit standing out among the patrons and staff.

Jon couldn’t help but smile when he saw the affable, animated man. It had been a few years since he’d been here, but it didn’t look like Antonio had changed a bit. Jon had long ago lost track of how many meals he and Trip shared here over the years. Including what had turned out to be their very first date. Which is why Jon was here.

Antonio saw Jon approaching and broke out into a smile, spreading his arms wide. “Jonathan!” he called out.

Jon embraced the other man warmly. “Hello, Antonio. It’s so good to see you.”

“And you! It’s been too long! Too busy on your starship, eh?” Antonio teased and then looked around with a frown. “But where is Charles?”

“Actually, he’s why I’m here. I need your help with something. Do you have a minute?”

Antonio smiled again. “For you, always. Come, come, sit down.” He led Jon over to a nearby table. “So, what can I do for you?”

Jon laid out his plan, letting Antonio think this was just a surprise birthday dinner for Trip, not divulging it’s true purpose, and that he and Trip were no longer together.

Antonio’s expression was warm when Jon finished. “Leave everything to me.” He squeezed Jon’s hand. “The two of you, still with the romance even after all these years.”

Jon’s heart ached and he forced a smile to his face, hoping he wouldn’t be proving Antonio wrong when all of this was said and done.

“I know this is a long shot, but is Sebastian still waiting tables for you?”

“Alas, no,” Antonio replied, but then grinned. “Because he’s been running the kitchen for me for the past two years.” He leaned forward. “But I have no doubt he would gladly don his uniform once more, for you.” He patted Jon’s arm. “Charles is going to fall in love with you all over again.”

Jon’s reply was a rough whisper. “I hope so, Antonio. I hope so.”

**END CHAPTER SEVEN**


	8. Chapter 8

The Florida sun shone brightly in the clear blue sky as Trip made his way down the boardwalk, adjusting the collar of one of his many colorfully patterned shirts, his flip-flops smacking against the weather-beaten wood, Porthos trotting along beside him.

He’d felt…lighter over the last two days, ever since opening up to Marty on the boat. It had been cathartic, releasing thoughts and emotions he hadn’t even been able to share with his family. Granted, the alcohol had helped. But he felt he was finally on his way to healing his broken heart. It wasn’t like flipping a switch. It was going to take time. He’d thought that he and Jon were forever. He was naïve to think that. Nothing lasts forever. But now that he was off _Enterprise_ and would no longer be seeing Jon every day he could start to make peace with that and move on with his new life.

He opened the door to Hook’s and took off his sunglasses, slipping them into his pocket as Porthos happily greeted the customers in the shop.

“Hey boss,” he greeted Marty with a smile.

“Hey, there’s the birthday boy!” Martin gave Trip a quick hug. “Thanks for coming in today.”

“You had me at ‘dive charter’,” Trip grinned.

“I thought you’d be eager to finally get in the water after all the fishing excursions I’ve had you on.”

Trip looked around the shop. “So who am I takin’?”

“Just one guy,” Martin answered. “He and his gear are already on the _Triple Play_. He’s requested you take him out to Coffin’s Patch.”

Trip’s eyebrows rose. “Well someone’s got good taste. That’s my favorite spot. I take it he’s been here before?”

Martin’s gaze skittered away from Trip’s, then back again. “Ahh, yeah, he’s been a customer for quite a long time.”

“Sounds like I won’t have to do any teachin’, then?”

“Nope, he just needs a dive buddy.”

Trip clapped his hands together, eager to get going. “Works for me. Let me grab my gear and I’ll get down to the boat. Mind keepin’ Porthos here while I’m gone?”

“Of course not. He’s my mascot now,” Martin chuckled. “Trip…?” he called out as Trip stepped away.

Trip turned around. “Yeah?”

Martin hesitated for a second, then shook his head. “Nothing, just… I hope today’s a good day for you.”

Trip cocked his head at the odd tone of Marty’s voice. “I’m sure it will be. It’s my birthday and I’m about to go do somethin’ I love.”

A few minutes later Trip walked down the dock toward the _Triple Play_ carrying his scuba gear. He was definitely looking forward to getting out in the water. As he drew closer to the boat he could see someone sitting out on the bow. The man was wearing a baseball cap, his back to Trip.

Trip climbed aboard, set his gear down and announced himself. “Hey there, I’m Charles Tucker, from Hook’s. I’ll be taking you out today.”

The man rose and turned and Trip froze in disbelief.

“Well then, I know I’m in good hands.”

Those same words from the same man echoed from years ago in Trip’s head. He swallowed against the memory and frowned. Marty had set him up. “Jon…what are you doing here?”

Jon shrugged, smiling, taking off his hat. “I wanted to wish you a happy birthday.”

Trip’s mouth tightened. “You could have called.”

The smile slipped from Jon’s face, his expression serious. “Okay, I wanted to talk. In person. Away from Starfleet. Just you and me.”

_“I wanted to get to know you. Away from Starfleet.”_

_“You traveled across the entire country, just to get to know me?”_

More echoes from the past assaulted Trip and he shook his head. “There’s nothing left to say.”

Jon stepped closer, voice soft. “I think there is. Please, just give me an hour. And after, if you never want to see me again, you never will. I promise.”

Trip paused. He needed to tell Jon no. To end this once and for all right here, right now. But as always when it came to Jon, he did the exact opposite of what his head was telling him.

“One hour,” he finally agreed.

Jon nodded his head with a small smile. “Thank you.”

Trip had the boat underway a short time later, heading for Coffin’s Patch. Uncomfortable silence hung between them during the journey and Trip wondered why the hell was he doing this. There was only one reason Jon was here—to convince Trip to give them another chance. And he wouldn’t, _couldn’t_ give in, as much as his heart wanted him to. Because he could no longer be under Jon’s command and he would never attempt a long distance relationship. Not after Rick. And trying to be friends…that was just too painful. _One hour. Just let him say his peace and then he’ll be gone._

Trip dropped anchor at Coffin’s Patch and they stood together at the stern, looking out over the ocean and the gentle waves. Unbidden, the memory of taking Jon out here for the first time rose up. Trying to find some task for Jon’s diving certification that he couldn’t perform perfectly on his first try. And found that he couldn’t. There seemed to be nothing Jon couldn’t get right. Except balancing a relationship and command. Then again, Trip hadn’t been much better at it.

“Trip…I’m sorry.”

Trip sighed heavily. “Jon, we’ve done this.”

Jon shook his head. “Not the way I’ve needed to. I’ve had a lot of time to think these past nine months about everything you said, everything I did that hurt you so badly. And I’m to blame for all of it. Not you. You took a chance on me, gave me your heart when your head was telling you not to, and I betrayed that trust. And I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

Trip blinked at the honesty in Jon’s voice as the other man continued.

“I was beyond naïve to think that command of a starship would be easy. I was full of myself and determined to prove to Startfleet, the Vulcans, my father’s ghost, _everyone_ , that Earth was ready, that I was ready.”

He huffed out a breath. “I mean, I aced my trial runs in charge of those cargo ships while I was still a Commander, vying for the promotion to Captain, right?” He paused. “But there were no hostile alien species trying to destroy the ship, there were no first contact opportunities…and you weren’t on board.”

Jon swallowed. “I was in over my head right from the start and it never got any easier over the past four years. And you ended up paying the price.”

Trip wanted to say something in reply but was afraid to break the flow of everything Jon was finally releasing, so he continued to listen silently.

“The Xyrillian’s…” Jon shook his head. “Trip, I never meant to make light of your pregnancy. I thought some humor might help put your mind at ease, take your mind off of your situation. I was worried, _really_ worried, but I didn’t want you to know it. You were already upset enough. And after you asking repeatedly that we keep your condition secret, I did the exact opposite and made you reveal it in front of the entire bridge crew. I know now I went about it all wrong. You needed my reassurance, not my jokes.”

Trip took a breath. Why couldn’t they have talked like this four years ago?

“I let my emotions get the better of me where Emory was concerned,” Jon went on. “He was a second father to me growing up, after mine died. Quinn was my best friend and if there was the slimmest chance of saving him, I had to take it.”

He held Trip’s gaze. “And once again, I was wrong, too blinded by loyalty to Emory to see that you were right. I did put the entire crew in danger and you didn’t deserve my anger. My pride wouldn’t let me admit you were speaking the truth.”

Trip’s mouth opened slightly, surprised again by Jon’s honesty, wishing once more he’d heard this back when it could have made a difference.

Jon pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes closed briefly. When he looked back at Trip, there was tremendous guilt in their hazel depths as he spoke again.

“And then the Xindi… The whole world was watching me, expecting me to save the entire human race and instead of being there for you when you needed me the most, I thought only of myself. I put duty ahead of your pain instead of telling them all to go to hell, that I could take a day to come down here with you. And I’m ashamed of how I then continued to ignore the one person whose grief was greater than anyone else’s.”

Trip’s heart twisted and his throat constricted at the sincere sorrow he heard in Jon’s voice, as he continued to admit to his mistakes.

Jon pulled in a shaky breath. “Everything with Sim… I was barely holding it together when you were in the coma. It was my worst nightmare. Creating a sentient being who had your face, only to end its life so you could live. I so badly wanted to tell him that I didn’t just want you back because you were my chief engineer, but because I loved you. Looking back, maybe that actually would have been easier for Sim to accept. Giving his sacrifice even more meaning.”

Jon’s throat worked for a moment. “There’s something that you couldn’t have seen on the video feeds. Something that happened between Sim and I in your quarters.”

Trip’s brows drew together as Jon continued, his words thick.

“He was pleading with me to spare his life. To let you die so he could live. To take your place. And I…I told him that I would do _anything_ to save you. Including sending him to his death.”

Trip’s eyes went wide, his mouth falling open as Jon stepped closer to him, his voice rough.

“The cogenitor… You were right,” Jon admitted. “All I could think about was how you had likely ruined a successful, important first contact with your carelessness. My anger at you blinded me to how much their death would affect—“

Jon cut himself off, a look of horrible realization crossing his face and he took hold of Trip’s arm. He lifted it up, staring at the scar on Trip’s wrist like it was the first time he’d ever seen it.

“My God…is this…?”

Trip pulled his arm away, his face flushing.

“You told me you accidentally cut yourself while repairing the impulse manifold.”

Trip fought to keep his voice even. “That’s what I told everyone. And everyone believed me. Except Phlox.”

Jon’s throat worked. “Tell me, please.”

Trip shot him a sharp look. “It’s a little late now.”

“I need to know.”

Trip felt the old anger grow within him. “You’re right, you _do_ need to know,” he snapped. “Do you remember what you said to me that night? How you ended the conversation after telling me the cogenitor took their own life?”

Jon immediately looked contrite. Oh yes, he remembered. But Trip repeated it.

“ _Dismissed_ ,” he ground out. “And then you turned your back on me.”

Jon looked ill, his face suddenly gone pale, but Trip pressed on. He was going to get every single detail of how Trip nearly committed suicide.

“I was horrified at what had happened, that I’d had a hand in their death. The weight of that was _crushing_ me…knowing I’d driven them to kill themselves.” He took a breath. “I thought I was doing a _good_ thing. Helping them. I wanted to talk about it. I _needed_ to talk about it. But you wanted nothing to do with me. I thought you were so disgusted with me that I’d lost you, too.”

Trip paused. “But now I know I was right. I didn’t realize it until later. You weren’t thinking about me at all. You were only thinking about yourself. About how this might end up reflecting badly on _you_ in the eyes of Starfleet, that we may have lost a new ally over it.”

Jon glanced away and Trip’s jaw tightened and he shook his head.

He tried to keep his voice impassive as he told the rest of his story, fighting to keep his emotions locked down as he relived it all over again.

“It was all I could think about for the next two days. I was consumed with their death and your rejection. I’d messed up so badly. And I just…I could only see one way out. I couldn’t stand the thought of you forever looking at me with revulsion, a constant reminder. I just couldn’t live with myself, knowing what I’d done.”

Jon’s eyes closed briefly and he swallowed hard as Trip continued.

“So I snuck one of Chef’s knives out of the galley. Then I waited until Phlox was in the mess having lunch and I went to sickbay and filled a hypo with a sedative. Just enough to…make it easier for me to go through with it.”

He blew out a slow breath as the scene replayed itself in his mind, the despair he’d felt that afternoon. “I didn’t want to make a mess, so I sat down on the floor of the shower in my quarters and pulled up my sleeve. I injected myself with the sedative, waited until I could feel my head get fuzzy.”

Trip glanced out at the ocean. “I felt like I was outside of myself, looking down on my body, watching as I cut my wrist. I was crying. I don’t remember feeling any pain. Just…relief. That it was all going to be over soon.”

Jon pulled in a harsh breath as Trip cleared his throat in order to continue.

“I knew I needed to cut my other wrist but I just sat there and watched my blood run down the drain for a long time. I couldn’t look away. And then all I could see was Charles in my head. And they looked so…disappointed in me and…angry. At first I couldn’t figure out why. I was doing this for them. A life for a life. And that’s when I realized that’s not what Charles would have wanted. Why they looked so disappointed in what I was doing. Because I was taking the cowards way out. I needed to live and learn from my mistakes and become a better person. That’s how I could honor their death. By making sure it never happened again.”

Trip straightened his shoulders. “I forced myself to get up, get a towel wrapped around my wrist. I was so weak from the blood loss and sedative that I almost called Phlox to my quarters. But I couldn’t let anyone find out what I’d almost done. So I got myself to sickbay, came up with the story about cutting myself on the impulse manifold.”

Trip shook his head wryly. “I should have known Phlox would see right through that but I wasn’t thinking very clearly at that point. I had tears on my face, I was obviously drugged and my wrist was cut very neatly. He knew in about a minute what had really happened. What I’d tried to do. And why.”

He held Jon’s gaze. “I begged him not to tell anyone, especially you. I knew if he reported my suicide attempt I’d be removed from _Enterprise_ , sent back to Earth, sent to the psych ward at Starfleet Medical and be discharged from Starfleet altogether. I couldn’t…I couldn’t let that happen.

“In the end Phlox agreed to keep it quiet on the condition that I started seeing him regularly for therapy. I knew I needed someone to talk to. I wanted it to be you, but…”

“Trip…” His name was a ragged whisper from Jon that hit Trip low in his belly, but he pressed on.

“I found it easier to talk to Phlox than I thought I would. I told him how I felt responsible for Charles’ suicide. He said he could easily remove the scar from my wrist but I told him no. I wanted a physical reminder. To never forget what I did and what I almost did. And that giving up is never the answer.” He took a moment, running his thumb across his scar, feeling the raised flesh beneath his finger before pulling in a long breath and continuing. “And I talked to him about us, how I felt command had changed you, and our relationship. He was my outlet during the Xindi mission because you just weren’t there for me.”

Jon lowered his eyes at the truth in Trip’s words.

“Phlox told me that I needed to confront you, tell you how many times you’d hurt me and be willing to walk away if you couldn’t see it or want to try and fix things. But I told him I wasn’t ready to do that. I was sure things would get better on their own. I kept hoping things would turn around for us.” Trip shrugged sadly. “But it never did. And then everything with Emory and the insubordination… It was finally more than I could take. I knew that it wasn’t possible for you to go back to being the man I fell in love with and I had to end things.”

He inhaled and slowly released his breath, utterly drained, feeling stripped bare. “And now here we are.”

Jon looked stricken, overwhelmed, tears in his eyes, along with so much guilt and anguish that it constricted Trip’s heart.

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry,” Jon whispered brokenly, reaching for him.

He didn’t resist when Jon took him in his arms and held him close, his arms slowly winding around Jon in return, his eyes closing against the moisture filling them.

They embraced for long minutes, the only sound the lapping of the waves against the sides of the _Triple Play_. Jon’s voice shook when they eased apart.

“You’re my weakness, Trip. You always have been. But I never thought it a detriment in any way until I became Captain. I’ve been so afraid of letting it show, that it, that _you_ , could be used against me, especially by the Vulcans, so I had to keep my feelings for you locked down. And I went too far with it, too many times. And I broke us.”

Trip felt moisture sting the backs of his eyes at the raw emotion in Jon’s confession.

“You did,” Trip whispered hoarsely. “But there was no way we could’ve fixed things. I wish to God there was. But you needed to become a different person to be in command. Starfleet and relationships just aren’t meant to be. I keep learning that the hard way.”

Jon’s reply was tinged with sadness. “I wish Daniels was here, to take us back in time. To start over so that I could change everything I did. To save us. Take my name from consideration for _Enterprise_. We’d still be together. AG would’ve gotten the spot. He might still be alive today if I had…”

“Jon, stop,” Trip said gently. “You can’t change things. And being a Captain…it’s what you were meant to do.”

Jon shook his head sharply. “No. Not at your expense. I don’t like person I’ve become, Trip.”

“You’ve done a lot of good, Jon.”

Jon’s eyes flashed. “It doesn’t outweigh the damage I’ve done to you! My God, Trip, you nearly killed yourself because I couldn’t see past my own ego!”

Jon took a breath, his words quiet now. “I know we can’t start over, but can we start again? As friends? I know I don’t deserve it, I know it’s asking a lot, but all I want is a chance to earn your forgiveness.”

Trip hesitated. Torn once again between head and heart. He curled his hands over the side of the boat. He looked down, as if the water held the answer, then back up. “I don’t know, Jon,” he answered honestly. “I don’t know if I can do that. I just…I need some time.”

Jon nodded slowly. “Fair enough.”

They stared out over the ocean for a long minute, watching the waves, listening to the gulls overhead, the sun bathing them in warmth.

“I remember the first time I was here,” Jon said softly, a smile in his voice. “I had a crazy instructor who wanted me to fail.”

Trip couldn’t help but chuckle. “Yeah, well, I didn’t know back then that you don’t fail at anything.”

A hint of sadness flickered through Jon’s eyes. He covered Trip’s hand with his own. ”We both know that’s not true.” Trip held his gaze. Jon squeezed his hand. “Dive with me? One more time?”

Trip’s smile was gentle. “That I can do.”

Trip tried his best to avert his eyes as Jon stripped down to his tight swim briefs but was drawn to the expanse of bare skin. How many times had he touched that body? How many times had he kissed his way down it? How many times had he buried himself inside it, not sure where he ended and Jon began?

_Stop it. Stop it._ He commanded himself. Swallowing hard against the thoughts, his eyes skittered upwards to find Jon’s gaze roaming over Trip’s own half-naked body. They locked eyes for a long moment and it was obvious Jon’s thoughts mirrored his own and it was with effort that Trip forced himself to look away and busy himself with donning his wetsuit. It wasn’t long before Jon was suited up as well and then they were toppling off the back of the boat and into the water.

The moment Trip sank below the surface, all of his problems dissipated like bubbles. He loved it here, beneath the waves, in this beautiful, peaceful place. He lost himself in the underwater world among the colorful fish and coral reefs, losing track of time as he swam, Jon beside him. They took turns pointing out sea life and Jon once again got close enough to pet a ray as it glided past him.

It was as if the last twelve years had never happened and they were back to where they began. Jon’s eyes held that same look of happiness and awe as they did the first time they dived here. He smiled around his regulator at Trip and Trip returned it without hesitation. Maybe, just maybe, he was wrong and they could be friends after all.

They stayed under as long as their tanks would allow and Trip was disappointed when they had to surface, loathe to leave the serene surroundings and the tentative connection he was reestablishing with Jon.

Back on the _Triple Play,_ they removed their gear and wetsuits, toweled themselves dry and redressed in their t-shirts and shorts. Trip pulled up anchor and steered the boat back toward the marina.

“Think Waldo’s still around?” Jon grinned.

Trip chuckled. “Wouldn’t doubt it for a minute. That eel’s too ornery to die.”

“Speaking of animals, how’s Porthos?”

“He’s good. I know he misses you. But it’s been nice, having him with me.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear that. Think I can see him when we get back?”

“Yeah, of course. He’s at the shop with Marty. He’s become Hook’s unofficial mascot. I think Marty’s trying to fit him with an eye patch and pirate hat,” Trip grinned and Jon laughed.

This time the silence on the ride was relaxed between them, for which Trip was grateful. They worked together to get the _Triple Play_ moored at the marina then made their way up the dock to Hook’s, just as Marty walked outside with Porthos. The beagle made a bee-line for Jon, barking happily. Jon squatted down, fussing over the pup while Trip gave Marty a withering stare for setting him up. Marty had the good grace to look abashed, but flicked his eyes to Jon and back, mouthing “Give him a chance,” to Trip.

“So, you two have a good dive?” Martin asked.

Trip and Jon looked at each other. Trip nodded slowly. “Yeah, we did.”

Martin grinned broadly. “Glad to hear it. See you again, Jon?”

Jon gave Porthos another pat then stood. “I’m here for another day before I need to head back to San Francisco.”

“Where are you staying?” Trip asked.

“Same hotel as the first time I came down here,” Jon replied, then tipped his head. “Walk with me?”

Trip nodded. “Sure.”

Jon and Marty shook hands and Trip saw a look pass between them that he couldn’t decipher. They made their way up the boardwalk and started off in the direction of Jon’s hotel, Porthos trotting happily along beside them.

“Hang on a second.” Jon said, then jogged off to the opposite side of the boardwalk, to one of the vendors.

He came back holding something in each hand. He handed one to Trip. He smiled at the cherry snowcone, remembering introducing Jon to the sweet treat, a favorite of his and Lizzie’s since they were kids.

“We should’ve installed a snowcone machine on _Enterprise_ ,” Trip said between icy bites.

But Jon shook his head, looking steadily at Trip. “If it was easy to get, then it wouldn’t be special.”

The wistfulness and possible hidden meaning in Jon’s words gave Trip pause.

“Let me take you to dinner tonight,” Jon said.

Still unsure of what kind of relationship, if any, he wanted with Jon, Trip hesitated.

“It is your birthday, after all,” Jon stated. “Let me do this for you. Please?”

At the hopeful tone in Jon’s voice, Trip accepted the olive branch he was extending, in an attempt to repair some of the damage. “Okay,” he agreed.

“I’ll meet you at Pier 51 at 7:00?”

Trip nodded, unsurprised at Jon’s choice of restaurant. “I’ll be there.”

Jon gave him a smile and Porthos another pat before walking off toward his hotel.

Trip watched him go for a long while. He’d been upset when he found Jon on the boat waiting for him. But now, in retrospect, he was glad Jon was here. Because there _was_ a lot that they still needed to say to one another. As incredibly difficult as it had been for them both, everything was finally laid out in the open. Trip heard, and felt, Jon’s genuine regret and remorse and apology in every word he spoke. And it hit Trip hard. He hadn’t seen that level of vulnerability, of openness, of honesty, from him in a very long time. It was a glimpse of the man that Trip had fallen in love with.

He sighed heavily, his emotions a tangled web, and turned to look out over the ocean. He missed Jon. Missed his companionship. But he also missed his love. Was it possible to have one without constantly being reminded he couldn’t have the other? His head was telling him one thing, his heart another.

And he realized only time would tell which would win out.

**END CHAPTER EIGHT**


	9. Chapter 9

Jon barely held himself together on the walk back to his hotel. His surroundings were a blur as his mind whirled in turmoil over all that Trip had told him on the boat. What he’d nearly done…

A trembling hand opened the door to his room and then closed it behind him. Unsteady legs carried him across the floor and out onto his balcony where his breath left him in a harsh, ragged exhale and he doubled over, grabbing onto the railing for support.

He squeezed his eyes closed as he fought to draw in air against the constriction in his chest. All he could see against the backs of his eyelids was Trip…sitting on the floor of his shower…slitting his wrist…watching his blood drain away…crying…dying…because Jon had turned his back on him.

The first heart-wrenching sob tore free, Jon’s entire body shaking as he broke down, his chest heaving, tears streaming down his face.

How had he not known? How could he have been so concerned only about himself, time and time again, oblivious to the hurt and pain he was causing the man he loved? So much so that Trip had been driven to nearly take his own life because Jon wasn’t there for him to open up to.

Jon’s knees gave out and he sank down to sit with his back against the wall, his heart twisting with guilt, his tears blurring his view of the ocean, his breath coming in short, sharp inhales.

He recalled the excitement they both shared when they learned they would be serving on _Enterprise_. It was everything they’d ever wanted. They never even gave their relationship a second thought. Nothing was going to change. Working side by side, exploring the universe together—things could only get better.

But Jon had changed, and made things so much worse. And he’d been too blind to even realize he was doing it. And he’d destroyed the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Jon swiped a hand over his face, struggling to slow his breathing and his tears. He remembered standing on a balcony at this same hotel twelve years ago, his stomach tied in knots with nerves, getting ready for a dinner with Trip that would end up changing their lives.

He reached up to grip the railing and pulled himself to his feet, swallowing hard. And here he was again, stomach tied in knots with nerves, getting ready for another dinner with Trip.

Jon drew in a long, steadying breath. He was sure of his decision now more than ever. He needed to leave his old life behind for a new one. But could Trip find it within himself to give Jon a second chance? Was he even worthy of a second chance?

Or had he broken them beyond repair?

~*~*~*~*~*~

Trip stood outside Pier 51 a few minutes before seven, wearing a light blue polo shirt and dark dress pants, breathing deep of the ocean air. A feeling of nostalgia tinged with déjà vu swept over him as he watched Jon walking toward him, dressed nearly identically in khaki pants and white linen shirt as he was twelve years ago when Jon took him to dinner here. Even though more than a decade had passed, Jon had aged like a fine wine, his handsome features still causing Trip’s heart to flutter. But he tamped those feelings down. This wasn’t a date. This was two friends having a last dinner together before parting.

Jon smiled as he stepped up beside him and gave him the once-over. “You always did clean up well.”

Trip’s face heated but before he could reply Jon led them up to the entrance of the restaurant. As always, Antonio was there and he greeted them enthusiastically.

“Jonathan! Charles!” Antonio embraced them each warmly. “It makes my heart glad to see you both. It’s been much too long.”

“It’s good to see you, too, Antonio,” Trip replied.

“Come, come, right this way!”

He led them through the crowded interior all the way outside onto the pier at the rear of the restaurant to a table at the far end, right at the railing with a spectacular view of the harbor. Trip pulled in a breath. This was “their table”. Had been since their first meal here.

Antonio waved his hand. “Here you are, gentlemen. Enjoy your dinner.” He gave Trip a wink before moving off.

Jon gazed out at the sunset. “Beautiful night.” He smiled warmly at Trip. “I’ve missed being here.”

_And I’ve missed you_... Trip swallowed down his thought as a man approached their table.

“Sebastian!” Trip grinned. “Since when are you back waiting tables?”

Sebastian smiled in return. “It was a special request. One that I was more than happy to oblige.”

_Special request?_ Trip turned to Jon and the other man gave a little shrug.

“It’s good to see you both.”

“And you, Sebastian,” Jon replied. “We’ll have the surf and turf, medium rare, baked potatoes and side salads.”

Sebastian tipped his head. “Of course. I’ll have a basket of bread out to you shortly.” He set down the bottle of amber liquid he was carrying and two glass tumblers and walked away.

Trip’s eyebrow arched as Jon ordered their favorite meal, which Trip had introduced him to and at the bottle. Kentucky bourbon. Which Jon had introduced him to. It was like stepping back in time once again.

Jon poured them both a generous amount and then held up his glass. “Happy Birthday, Trip.”

Trip raised his glass and touched it to Jon’s. “Thanks. I’m…glad I’m not spending it alone.”

Their conversation throughout dinner was a bit of a minefield, with many topics that needed to be avoided, but they ended up navigating it well, including Jon asking Trip to tell him more about his new R&D job.

By the time they had finished eating, including a key lime pie compliments of Antonio, complete with a birthday candle, Trip was feeling more relaxed around Jon than he had in nearly a year. They bid Sebastian and Antonio goodbye and walked down to the boardwalk. Trip hesitated, suddenly feeling awkward, wondering how to say goodnight, and goodbye, to Jon.

“Can I walk you home?” Jon asked and patted his pocket, a soft smile teasing the corners of his mouth. “I brought a water polo game I thought we could watch.”

Trip’s stomach flip-flopped in remembrance of what happened the first time Jon asked him that. _This isn’t a good idea,_ Trip told himself. _Just tell him goodbye right here_. But once again Trip ignored his head, helped along by the Kentucky bourbon.

“Yeah. Okay. Sure.”

They set off toward the cottage, Trip’s mind going in circles, things adding up, but then again not. Everything about this day had been carefully designed by Jon to recreate all the little moments that had caused Trip to fall in love with him. Sailing, scuba diving, snowcones, Pier 51—culminating with the water polo game that had led instead to their first kiss and the first time they made love.

But Jon had only asked for his friendship, not to restart their relationship. So what was he playing at? Friends…with benefits? For a hook-up with Trip whenever he was back on Earth? No. Trip’s heart couldn’t take that. But what if it was just one last night that Jon wanted? What then? Was Trip strong enough to say no? Did he even want to? Jon was his weakness, too. He’d long ago admitted to himself that he was still in love with Jon. Maybe this was what they both needed—to end things between them with love and affection. He hadn’t missed the slight redness of Jon’s eyes when he’d walked up to him in front of Pier 51, evidence that Jon had been crying. That brought Trip up short, because that was something that Jon rarely did, having a tighter hold on his emotions than Trip. It looked as though the conversation they’d had on the _Triple Play_ had affected Jon more deeply than Trip thought. He was glad to know that reliving the pain had been worth it and he wondered if they’d reached a turning point because of it.

So lost in thought was he that he didn’t notice the soft glow surrounding his cottage until he was nearly standing in front of it. The sight brought him up short. White lights had been strung up all around and in front of the cottage, even hanging from the palm trees, twinkling in the night. There was a tablecloth draped over the patio table, on which was a fancy silver bucket that held a bottle of champagne on ice, two flutes on either side. Beside him, Trip could have sworn he heard Jon whisper, “Well done, Marty.”

Trip’s heart skipped a beat. “Jon…what?”

Jon took Trip’s hand and led him underneath the canopy of lights. “Trip, I love you and all I want is to fix things. And that means never letting command, or rank, come between us ever again.” He paused, holding Trip’s gaze. “I’m resigning my commission.”

Trip’s mouth dropped open in shock and disbelief as Jon continued.

“I’ve been offered a position teaching at the Academy and I’m accepting it.”

The enormity of what Jon was saying hit Trip hard. “You’re…giving up space? But bein’ out there is all you’ve ever wanted.”

Jon squeezed Trip’s hand. “No, _you’re_ all I’ve ever wanted. My future isn’t in the stars, it’s right here on Earth. With you.”

He reached into his pocket and withdrew not a vid disc with a water polo game, but a small box, which he opened and showed Trip its contents. Two silver bands sparkled in the light.

Trip watched in stunned silence as Jon got down on one knee, once again taking his hand.

“Charles Anthony Tucker…will you marry me?”

Trip felt as if the ground had been pulled out from under him, his mind reeling with too many emotions to even process. He struggled to find his voice, his words tremulous.

“Tell me you mean this, Jon. That you’re not gonna regret it in a year, maybe two, wishin’ you were out there. And then you’re…gone.”  
  
Jon stood. “I will never regret this. _Ever_. I’ve spent my entire life working to make my father’s dream come true. And I’ve done it. I have nothing left to prove. Now it’s time for me to live _my_ life, the way I want to. And I want it to be with you. Here.”

He rubbed his thumb on the back of Trip’s hand. “I don’t know what’s ahead of us. But do you remember my father’s favorite saying?”

Trip nodded and they spoke in unison. “You can’t be afraid of the wind.”

Jon cupped the side of Trip’s face, his voice just above a whisper as a tear slid down his cheek. “I’m ready to take that chance again. Please tell me you are, too. Let me prove to you that I can be the man again that you fell in love with right here on this beach twelve years ago.”

Trip had been with Jon long enough to know without a doubt when he was telling the truth. That man _was_ still there, inside Jon, waiting for a second chance and he truly _did_ want to stay here, on Earth. That alone… Trip’s heart swelled with overwhelming love and gratitude at the tremendous sacrifice Jon was willing to make to save them. And Trip wanted that, to save them, more than anything.

“Well then, what are we waitin’ for?” Trip smiled through unshed tears. “Yes, Jonathan Archer, I’ll marry you.”

Jon’s answering smile was blinding as he pulled Trip to him in a fierce embrace. Trip buried his face against Jon’s neck and held on just as tightly, a single tear breaking free.

“I’ll spend the rest of my life making you happy,” Jon vowed.

Trip lifted his head and framed Jon’s face with his hands. “That goes both ways.”

Jon turned his head and kissed Trip’s palm, then took his hand in his own and led him across the sand to the door of the cottage. They stepped inside and Porthos, who had been napping on the sofa, raised his head to give them a pleased bark and a wag of his tail before settling back down again. Trip could have sworn the beagle smiled at them.

The white lights continued inside the cottage, strung across the ceiling in a canopy, bathing the living room in a soft glow. Trip’s breath caught when he saw all of the photos of he and Jon scattered across every surface. They weren’t the ones Trip had packed away, which meant Jon had brought all of these with him.

“Jon…” he whispered as they came to a stop next to the sofa.

“It happened right here,” Jon said, nodding.

“What did?” Trip replied, confused.

Jon’s expression softened. “Our first kiss.” He slid his arms around Trip. “It seemed like the perfect spot for another first kiss. For our new beginning.”

Trip’s heart skipped a beat and he made a noise from deep in his chest as Jon leaned in and closed the tiny distance between them.

Trip fell into the kiss, melting against Jon as their mouths moved together, chastely at first, then slowly with more urgency. Trip groaned as their tongues danced sensuously together, at his first taste of Jon in nine months, a spark igniting inside him. And suddenly Trip was a starving man. He needed more of Jon. He needed _all_ of Jon.

He slanted his mouth across the older man’s, deepening the kiss, one arm sliding down to bring their groins flush together. Twin groans echoed in the room as their growing erections rubbed together and the spark inside Trip became a flame.

His blood thrumming with arousal in his veins, his kiss became even more demanding, his hands gripping and releasing Jon’s clothes, wanting the fabric barriers between them gone.

“More,” he panted against Jon’s mouth before claiming it again and backing them up toward the bedroom.

Jon went willingly, kissing him back with equal fervor as they bounced off the kitchen counter and the doorjamb before stumbling into the bedroom. In his passion-induced haze, Trip vaguely registered the white lights in a canopy on the ceiling in here as well, focused on his hunger for Jon.

He backed them up until Jon’s back hit the wall next to the bed. His pulse racing, Trip pressed himself fully against the other man, rocking his hips, pushing his hard cock against Jon’s again and again. He whined deep in his throat as they plundered one another’s mouths, desperate for Jon’s touch, for the feel of his naked body against his after so long.

“Please…please…” he begged on a hoarse whisper.

Jon shifted, pushing one of his legs between Trip’s, and Trip moaned as he rutted against Jon’s muscular thigh, blessed friction against his straining erection. Jon gripped Trip’s ass, encouraging his movements until Trip began to shake, his cock leaking precome.

“Yeah,” Jon breathed, his hazel eyes wide.

“ _Jon_ …” Trip pleaded, every nerve ending on fire, begging for release.

Jon’s eyes flared, went dark, and he spun them around, reversing their positions. Trip groaned as Jon crowded up against him, pressing him against the wall, kissing him with barely restrained desire until they had to part for breath. Light-headed, Trip barely realized what was happening until the last of his clothing puddled onto the floor, courtesy of Jon’s deft fingers.

Then those fingers closed around Trip’s full, heavy erection and Trip went from impulse to warp 5 in the span of a single heartbeat. His shout bounced off the walls as Jon stroked him hard and fast with a practiced touch certain to bring Trip to ecstasy.

Lightning streaked up Trip’s spine in moments, overwhelming in its intensity.

“Jon…Jon…” Trip ground out, his eyes squeezing shut, on the precipice of release.

“That’s it, that’s it…” Jon encouraged, twisting his wrist on the upstroke, his thumb pressing just below the swollen head.

Trip’s heart hammered in his chest as he felt his orgasm begin to surge through him. “I’m gonna come, I’m gonna come…”

Jon disappeared from his view as other man dropped to his knees, and a split second later his warm, wet mouth surrounded Trip’s cock. The sensation catapulted Trip into climax and he came with a sharp, hoarse cry. His body shook with the intensity of his release, his cock emptying itself down Jon’s throat in long pulses again and again until he was spent.

Jon swallowed one last time then pulled off slowly, letting Trip’s cock slip from his mouth as Trip panted harshly. His eyes full of heat, Jon rose up and claimed Trip’s mouth, letting him taste himself for a long moment.

“There,” Jon winked, teasing. “Now we can take our time.”

Trip’s face flushed with embarrassment. “Sorry ‘bout that,” he mumbled.

Jon’s eyes flashed again, his voice dropping. “Don’t be. I love knowing I can do that to you.”

He kissed Trip again, slow and deep, then gentle. His hazel eyes were soft when they eased apart. Jon rubbed his thumb across Trip’s cheekbone.

“God, I missed you,” he whispered tenderly.

Trip felt the old ache in his chest finally start to subside. “There’s been a hole inside me,” he said quietly. “Like a part of me was missing.”

Guilt once again crossed Jon’s face and he took Trip into his arms. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he whispered against Trip’s ear.

“Don’t, don’t.” Trip kissed the side of Jon’s neck. “We’re here now. That’s all that matters.”

Jon raised his head, his expression one of absolute devotion, answering Trip with a kiss that spoke volumes. His hands caressed Trip’s bare skin as their mouths moved together, and Trip just then realized that Jon was still fully dressed. There was something sexy about that, the feel of his bare skin rubbing against Jon’s clothes and he felt his cock start to stir again. His arousal had been slaked, but not sated. Only the feel of Jon deep inside him could bring him the completion he needed. That they both needed.

Trip eased back from the kiss, his heart stuttering. “Make love to me, Jon…”

Jon’s smile was warm. “I thought you’d never ask.”

They stepped toward the bed and it was only then did Trip notice what he was walking on, what was also scattered across the bed. He chuckled as he picked one up. He arched an eyebrow at Jon. “Rose petals?”

Jon’s cheeks turned pink. “I told Marty ‘romantic’. He may have taken things a bit too far.”

Trip shook his head. “No, it’s perfect.” He swept his hand out. “All of this. It’s perfect.” But his kiss was tinged with melancholy. “It’s been…years, since we’ve been romantic with each other.”

Jon threaded his fingers through Trip’s short hair. “Well that’s all going to change,” he promised. “Starting right now.”

His kiss was full of heat, a hint of what was to come, and Trip felt a flutter in his stomach as Jon guided him down onto the bed. He watched with ever-increasing desire as Jon slowly removed his clothes until he was naked before Trip. Trip opened his arms, a lump of emotion in his throat as Jon moved into his embrace. He pulled in a stuttering breath at the feel of Jon’s strong, warm body against his for the first time in nearly a year.

“I love you,” Jon whispered, his voice breaking.

Trip’s reply was in his kiss, one that went on and on, their mouths parting only to come back together again, their bodies rocking against one another’s, their cocks slowly filling until they were both hard, desire arcing between them like invisible electricity.

Jon pulled back from the kiss. “I’m exactly where I want to be,” he told Trip again. “And this…” He took Trip’s hands and curled them around the slats in the headboard. “…is the only kind of exploring I want to do from now on…”

Trip shivered at the hunger he saw in Jon’s eyes just before the older man dipped his head. When his warm lips kissed the sensitive spot right below Trip’s ear, Trip moaned softly, his hands tightening on the headboard as he eagerly, willingly let Jon explore every inch of his body with his mouth and tongue and hands.

Jon covered his skin with hot, wet kisses, from his neck to his groin, his fingers trailing in his wake, raising goosebumps. His nipples were sucked and tugged into pebble-hard, aching nubs, the sensation shooting straight down to his cock, which throbbed, releasing pearls of precome that Jon licked off. Jon worshipped his body until Trip was out of his mind with arousal, inarticulate sounds falling from his lips, his skin on fire, shifting restlessly on the bed, trying to spread his legs.

“Need you…” he ground out, heart pounding. “Jon, please…”

Jon finally took pity on him, capturing his mouth for a hard, fast kiss that spoke of his own arousal, before reaching for the drawer in the bedside table. A part of Trip’s fuzzy mind knew there hadn’t been any lube in there for a long time and the thought of Marty putting it there made him want to die of embarrassment. But the thought soon fled as Jon raised back up, his fingers already slick. Trip spread his legs eagerly and Jon moved between them. He trailed a finger down the hard length of Trip’s cock, then down over his heavy balls, teasing him, drawing a groan out of him before finally rubbing against Trip’s entrance.

Trip’s head pressed back against the pillow, his mouth falling open as Jon’s fingers slid in and out of him, stretching him, opening him until Trip could take no more, bearing down on them, trying to get them even further inside him.

“Now…now…” he pleaded, his body shaking.

Then Jon’s fingers were gone, leaving Trip feeling empty. But before Jon could replace them with his cock, Trip tugged him down to him and rolled them, Trip now on top. Jon’s eyes went wide as Trip picked up the tube and slowly slicked Jon’s cock, his intent clear.

“God, yes…” Jon breathed as Trip straddled his waist and reached behind himself, rubbing Jon’s cock against his puckered muscle.

Jon’s hands settled on Trip’s waist as Trip slowly, slowly took Jon’s cock inside him. He gasped as the swollen head breached him for the first time in nine long months.

“Trip…” Jon whispered, his voice catching, his eyes shining.

Tears sprung to Trip’s own eyes as he took all of Jon’s thick length inside him until Jon filled him completely, something he thought he’d never feel again—that he was home. This truly was their new beginning.

He reached for Jon’s hand, forcing out the words past the constriction in his throat.

“I love you.”

Jon’s intake of breath was sharp and shaky. He squeezed Trip’s hand hard. “I will never, _ever_ hurt you again,” he vowed as a tear broke free.

Trip’s heart stuttered. “I know,” he whispered, leaning down for a kiss that left them both trembling, their bodies aching for completion.

Trip began to move then, rising up on his knees until the head of Jon’s cock caught on the rim of his entrance, then sinking back down in one fluid motion, over and over again. They lost themselves in each other as they made love, as if it was their first time, their sounds of pleasure mingling under the soft glow of the twinkling lights as they strove for blessed release.

Every nerve-ending in Trip’s body was on fire, the drag of Jon’s cock deep inside him sweet torture as it pressed against his hidden spot, making him tremble. He pushed down harder, gasping at the burn, the stretch of his body around Jon.

“So good…you feel so good,” he groaned, his cock leaking precome onto Jon’s stomach.

Jon bucked his hips up in counterpoint to Trip’s downward motion and Trip cried out as Jon’s cock pushed even deeper inside him. He ground down as Jon thrust up, biting at his lower lip as his climax flared sudden and sharp, low in his belly. He was dizzy with desire, arousal burning through his veins, overwhelming him.

“Almost…almost…oh God, so close…” he rambled, panting, his eyes squeezing shut, his rhythm faltering, his cock so hard it was almost painful.

Then Trip’s world tilted as Jon sat up, took him in his arms and rolled them back over, still joined together. Jon barely paused before he thrust, long and hard, once, twice, three times—and Trip went supernova.

His cry of release was long and loud as he came harder than he could ever remember. His body shook as his cock jerked and pulsed, streams of thick, white liquid coating his own chest and spattering on Jon’s. His orgasm was still racing through him when Jon found completion and Trip cried out again as Jon groaned his name, as Jon’s cock throbbed deep within him, filling him with slick, wet heat.

Their bodies trembled against one another’s as they held each other close for long minutes. Trip drifted in a state of utter contentment, finally sated, his limbs heavy, surrounded by Jon’s warmth, his heart full of love once more. He was finally whole again.

They traded languid kisses, hands ghosting over bare skin, soft smiles on both their faces.

“Now _that_ was perfect,” Jon sighed, gently cupping the side of Trip’s face.

Trip leaned into the touch and Jon kissed his forehead, tightening his embrace as Trip’s eyelids grew heavy. He buried his head against Jon’s neck, trying to get impossibly closer as a tiny part of his tired brain was suddenly afraid none of this was real, that he would wake and all of it would have been a dream.

“Don’t let go,” he murmured.

“Never…” he heard Jon whisper as sleep finally claimed him.

**END CHAPTER NINE**


	10. Chapter 10

Sometime later Trip’s eyelids fluttered back open. It took a moment, as the last vestiges of sleep left him, to realize where he was—still surrounded by Jon’s warmth. It hadn’t been a dream.

He released a long, relaxed breath against Jon’s chest and tilted his head up. He found Jon looking at him with a soft smile and warm eyes that went right to Trip’s heart.

“Hey,” he said quietly.

“Hey,” Jon replied.

“Were you watchin’ me sleep?”

Jon nodded. “And realizing how lucky I am that I can. That I’m here with you.”

Trip’s chest constricted at Jon’s heartfelt words and he kissed him softly. “I’m glad you’re here, too.” Then a grin teased the corners of his mouth. “And I’m realizin’ that I’ve got rose petals stuck in places they shouldn’t be.”

Jon tipped his head back with a laugh. “Shower?”

Trip smirked. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Jon gave him a quick kiss then led them out of the bedroom and into the bathroom. He had warm water flowing a minute later and Trip joined him under the spray. He stood still for a moment, tilting his head back with a sigh, letting the water flow over his body. He heard the _snick_ of the cap of the bottle of shower gel opening and then Jon’s soapy hands were on his shoulders, kneading and massaging, spreading bubbles. Trip released a long breath as Jon’s hands cleaned his arms, then both of his legs before gathering up more gel and working on Trip’s back, Trip’s eyes closing at Jon’s gentle touch.

Then Jon moved in closer, reaching around him from behind. Trip groaned softly, leaning back against him as Jon slowly washed away the evidence of their lovemaking from his chest and stomach. Then lower still, his hands cupping and caressing Trip’s soft cock and full, heavy balls, coating them with soap suds as he kissed the side of Trip’s neck.

Trip groaned again as his cock took interest in Jon’s ministrations and he turned to face him, gently pressing him back against the shower wall, then reached for the bottle of shower gel. He lathered up his hands and then it was his turn to do some exploring of his own.

His palms glided over Jon’s broad chest, over the sprinkling of soft, dark hair, his thumbs brushing against his flat, copper colored nipples, pulling a quick intake of breath from him. His hands moved downward, washing away the remains of his release from Jon’s stomach in slow movements.

Jon made a noise in the back of his throat when Trip’s fingers glided down over his cock, pushing his hips forward, wanting more of Trip’s touch. But Trip denied him, instead pressing his body fully against Jon’s and kissing him slow and deep, letting the heat build between them.

When Jon groaned into the kiss Trip pulled back, seeing the rising desire in his hazel eyes, knowing he was reflecting back the same. He turned Jon around then, Jon’s palms now resting on the shower wall, and reached for the gel again.

He took his time on Jon’s shoulders and back, his hands smoothing over miles of slick, bare skin, soft noises falling from Jon’s lips. He dropped to one knee to wash Jon’s long legs, and when he reached the top of his thigh, he let his fingers wander until they brushed against Jon’s balls, lying heavy in their sac.

“ _Trip_ …” Jon moaned sharply, spreading his legs as Trip cupped him, fondled him.

Trip stood then, his cock filling rapidly as he trailed his fingers up the crease of Jon’s ass. Jon hissed as Trip touched his entrance, pushing back. Trip molded his body against Jon’s, letting him feel his hardening cock rubbing against his ass. His arms came around Jon’s chest, playing with his nipples, tugging and rolling them into pebble-hard nubs as his mouth worked against Jon’s neck, kissing, nipping, licking.

Jon’s breath was coming in shallow pants, his body shifting restlessly against Trip’s.

“More…” he begged, then gasped as Trip reached between his legs and took him in hand.

Jon’s head fell back against Trip’s shoulder, his eyes closing as Trip deftly stroked him to full hardness in moments, his cock hot and heavy against Trip’s palm. Jon’s hips pushed back again and it was Trip’s turn to groan as his cock pressed against Jon’s entrance.

No more teasing. He needed to be inside Jon. _Now_.

“Bed,” he growled against Jon’s ear, continuing to stroke him.

But Jon shook his head, reaching back with one hand to cup Trip’s ass and hold him close. “No. Here. Now.”

Trip couldn’t help the sly grin that crossed his face at the pleading hunger in Jon’s tone. “One word sentences? Now I know you want it bad.” His voice dropped, echoing Jon’s words back to him. “I love knowing I can do that to you.”

Jon’s entire body shivered and Trip kissed him hard and fast, slanting his mouth across Jon’s, tangling their tongues together in a sensual dance. Heat flushed through Trip when he pulled back, Jon’s eyes now wide and dark.

“Trip…” he breathed hoarsely as Trip’s wet fingers drifted down between his ass, rubbing against his entrance before slipping slowly inside.

Jon’s eyes closed again, his mouth dropping open as Trip took his time opening him, stretching him, preparing him for Trip’s cock for the first time in nine long months. One finger became two, then three, until Jon was bearing down on them.

“Now…Trip, please…need you in me…”

Trip kissed him again, feeling himself start to shake as he slid his fingers free and guided his slick, wet cock to the small, puckered muscle. He rested one hand on Jon’s hip, took a breath and pushed gently, watching as Jon’s body opened for him, taking him in, the head of his cock slipping inside.

Their groans of pleasure bounced off the tile walls as Trip’s cock slowly, slowly filled Jon until they were as intimately connected as two men could be. The feeling took Trip’s breath away, something he thought he might never experience again. He draped himself over Jon’s back, holding him close.

“I missed you, Jon. So damn much,” he whispered.

Jon swallowed hard, his eyes bright. “Make love to me, Trip.”

And Trip did, moving in and out of Jon’s body, surrounded by his tight heat, as the water flowed sensuously over them, caressing their skin as the steam enveloped them in its warm embrace. Time stood still around them as they lost themselves in each other, in this perfect moment, and Trip never wanted it to end.

But all too soon he felt Jon begin to tremble against him. “Don’t stop…don’t stop…” Jon rambled as Trip thrust long and deep, rolling his hips. “So good…so close…God, Trip, touch me…please…”

Trip’s own climax was building and growing inside him, drawing him closer to the edge of the cliff, but he wanted, _needed_ , for Jon to fall apart first in his arms. To know he could make him shatter.

He reached down between Jon’s legs and curled his hand around his hot, heavy, straining erection. Jon moaned sharply at the touch, as Trip gripped him, stroked him.

Trip’s words were a gruff, heated whisper against Jon’s ear. “Come for me.”

Jon’s entire body shook an instant later, crying out as his cock swelled against Trip’s palm, painting the shower wall with thick, white streams. The sight, sound and feel of Jon’s climax was Trip’s undoing. He let go, fell over the edge into ecstasy, his cock pulsing inside Jon, filling him with his release.

“Love you…I love you…” Trip murmured as he held Jon tight, their bodies trembling in the aftermath for long minutes until Trip slipped gently from Jon’s body.

Jon made a sound of loss then turned in Trip’s arms, love shining from his eyes. He kissed Trip long and slow and when they eased apart they were both smiling softly.

“Bed now?” Trip asked hopefully, his body heavy and sated once again.

Jon laughed, kissing him again. “Bed now.”

They made short work of drying off and a few minutes later Trip pulled back the blanket and sheet on the bed, scattering the remaining rose petals as he and Jon slipped in and settled together against the pillows.

“Can I see them?” Trip asked.

Jon smiled and reached down to find his discarded pants. He pulled the small box out, flipped open the lid and handed one of the silver bands to Trip.

“I had them made from a piece of Enterprise,” Jon told him quietly. “That way she’ll always be with us.”

Trip’s eyes went wide and he swallowed hard. “Jon…” he breathed.

“Look at the engraving,” Jon said.

Trip tilted the ring into the light. And there inside the band was written _NX-01_ with a _J_ and _T_ on either side.

Trip’s breath caught in his throat. “I can’t wait to wear this on my finger.”

“I can’t wait to put it there,” Jon replied. “It’s a fresh start for us, Trip.”

Trip nodded slowly. “I’m ready for it.”

Jon pulled him close, his hazel eyes bright. “I love you, Trip. And I’ll prove it to you every day.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

Trip woke to the pleasant sensation of feather-light kisses down the side of his neck and across the top of his shoulder. Still caught in the last vestiges of sleep, he let himself drift. He could sense the late morning sun on the backs of his eyelids, hear the calls of the seagulls and the sound of the ocean through the open window and feel the warmth of Jon’s body spooned against his back, his hand resting on Trip’s chest.

Eyes still closed, he released a long, slow breath as Jon’s fingers ghosted down his side, to the swell of his ass. A tiny shiver of arousal flowed through him and he pressed back against Jon, silently asking for more. After so long an absence, Trip couldn’t get enough of Jon. He was like rain after a drought.

Jon hummed quietly in the back of his throat, his lips still kissing softly along Trip’s neck, his morning erection, already slick, now pressing against the bottom of Trip’s ass. Trip pulled in a breath and parted his thighs slightly, allowing Jon’s cock to slip between them and skim across his entrance, nudge against his balls.

They both groaned softly as Jon slowly rocked against him, his cock sliding between his thighs, the head pushing against the small, puckered muscle, asking for entrance. Which Trip gladly gave. He was still stretched and open, slick himself, from when they woke and made love before dawn, so Jon’s thick length slid in easily in one long motion.

With another groan, Trip bit his lower lip at the burn as his body took Jon in. He was sore, but it was the good kind of low, throbbing pain that was a pleasant reminder of why he ached. He breathed out as Jon filled him once again, feeling every inch of his cock, steel wrapped in silk, stretching him. The erotic sensation stirred the arousal rising within him, his body craving more, his own cock filling in response.

Still keeping his eyes closed, an inarticulate sound falling from his lips, Trip groped for Jon’s hand. Jon squeezed it gently, his mouth against Trip’s ear.

“Shhh…I’ve got you…”

Trip couldn’t stop his low moan when Jon began to move. In and out. Long, smooth thrusts. Over and over. Trip’s body melted back against Jon’s as they fell into a rhythm—Jon pushing forward, Trip pressing back. Their soft, panting breaths mingled as they lost themselves in one another once more.

Trip felt the wave building inside, low in his belly, his body aching for release, drowning in the sensations Jon was creating within him. He lifted his top leg and draped it over Jon’s, changing the angle of penetration, opening himself up wide, allowing Jon’s cock to slip in even deeper. Trip groaned long and low as Jon pulled in a ragged breath, rolling his hips as Trip’s body took Jon in even further.

Trip whined in the back of his throat as he strained for completion and Jon was there, his words a rumble against Trip’s ear that sent a shiver through him.

“That’s it…that’s it…let go…”

Three, four deep thrusts and the wave finally crested within Trip and swept him away. He cried out as he came, as he felt Jon spill himself deep inside him in long pulses.

“So good, Jon…so good…” he panted as Jon filled him with his release.

Trip sagged against Jon as his climax eventually subsided, breathing hard, the heady scent of sex on their skin and in the air. Jon kissed along Trip’s shoulder and neck, holding him close.

“Hmmm…” Trip murmured contentedly, turning his head so their lips could meet.

Jon slowly slipped from Trip’s body as they eased back from the kiss and Trip turned to lay on his back.

A sudden, sharp look of longing crossed Jon’s expressive eyes and his gaze drifted down to Trip’s stomach, gently rubbing his palm there. “I wish…” he trailed off.

“What?” Trip questioned softly.

“I wish I’d been the one to get you pregnant.”

Trip laughed but quickly realized Jon wasn’t joking and he sobered. “You really mean that, don’t you?” He held Jon’s gaze. “In all the years we’ve been together, we’ve never talked about kids.”

Jon gave a little shrug. “Not really feasible for two men whose goal it was to serve on a starship so I never let myself think about it. But things are changing for us. And the thought of having children with you…” his voice caught.

Tears pricked the backs of Trip’s eyes. He didn’t think he could love this man more. He cupped the side of Jon’s face. “I want that, Jon. I want to start a family with you.”

Jon’s smile made Trip’s heart stutter. “A little Charles Tucker the Fourth running around?”

Trip’s answering smile was soft. “Or maybe a little…Henry?”

Jon swallowed hard at that and his fingers shook slightly when they brushed through Trip’s hair. “And a sister, named Elizabeth.”

The most vivid picture of himself, Jon and a little boy and a little girl running across the beach appeared in Trip’s mind and he blinked hard against the moisture in his eyes. “Nothing would make me happier. You're gonna be an amazin' father.”

John smiled at him tenderly and shook his head. “No. _We're_ going to be amazing fathers.”

They kissed long and slow before settling back, their legs tangled together, Trip’s heart lighter than it had been in years. Then Jon’s expression turned serious as he brushed his thumb across Trip’s cheekbone.

“I know our reconciliation doesn’t mean the slate is wiped clean,” Jon said quietly. “I know I have a lot to make up for. And we need to be better about communicating. Things can’t ever go as far as they did ever again.”

“You’re right,” Trip agreed. “And I shouldn’t have kept so much bottled up.” He glanced guiltily away from Jon and back. “I actually have a confession to make.”

“What’s that?”

“My job with R&D isn’t out at the Complex. It’s at Starfleet Command in San Francisco,” Trip said.

Jon’s eyebrows rose. “What? Why did you tell me you were going to Montana?”

Trip sighed. “Because I was hurt and angry and I was afraid if you knew I was there in San Francisco you’d try and come see me whenever you were back on Earth. And I didn’t think I could handle that. I just wanted a clean break.”

Jon huffed out a breath. “You know what? You were right. That’s exactly what I was planning on doing.”

The corners of Trip’s mouth twitched. “See, I know you.” He squeezed Jon’s hand. “I’m sorry I lied.”

“No, that’s okay, I understand where you were coming from.” He tipped his head. “I have a confession to make, too.”

Trip nodded. “Okay.”

“I know about you and Malcolm.”

Trip felt the color drain from his face as guilt surged through him. He shifted, trying to move away, but Jon held him close.

“Jon, I’m—“ 

Jon shook his head. “You have nothing to apologize for. We weren’t together.”

“It’s not what you think,” Trip told him.

“What do you mean?”

“Malcolm and I, we were attracted to one another and we were intimate, but we weren’t in love with each other. It was a different kind of relationship.”

Jon looked confused. “How so?”

“We each had something the other needed. We…helped each other.”

Jon nodded slowly, questions in his eyes, but he didn’t press Trip for more. “I won’t lie. I was jealous. But I’m glad you had someone when I let you down. That you weren’t alone.”

Trip released a breath, glad that his past relationship with Malcolm was now out in the open. Then a thought came to him.

“Wait, how did you find out? We didn’t say anything to anyone.”

Jon gave a little shrug. “You were subtle but I know you, too. I saw the signs, put two and two together. After Admiral Gardner offered me a five year mission on _Enterprise_ or a teaching position at the Academy, I called Malcolm.”

Trip’s eyes widened in surprise as Jon continued.

“I needed to know if you were still together. And if you were, I would have left you in peace and accepted the new mission. But he said no, you’d called it off before we got back to Earth. He also told me you were still in love with me. I knew I had one last chance to try and earn back your trust. I got the rings made and came down here.”

“You obviously talked to Marty, since he knew you were the one waitin’ for me on the _Triple Play_.”

“I did. And he read me the riot act, which I deserved. I wanted him to know I was going to propose, to get his help in setting all of this up here at the cottage. He made me promise that if you turned me down I’d never contact you again. And I wouldn’t have. I’d have let you go, as hard as it would’ve been.”

A wave of love rolled through Trip. “So you took me on a trip down memory lane.”

Jon brushed a thumb across Trip’s cheek. “We were happy here. I was hoping to remind you of where we started, how good we used to be.”

Trip turned his head and kissed Jon’s palm. “Mission accomplished. And I can’t wait to make more memories with you.”

Jon’s smile lit up the room. “Neither can I, Trip. Neither can I.”

~*~*~*~*~*~

The wedding took place four weeks later, on the wide expanse of white sand in front of the cottage. Jon was dressed in a black suit and tie, Trip in charcoal gray.

Everyone was there—Trip’s parents, brother and sister, Marty, Hoshi, Travis, Malcolm, Phlox, and T’Pol. Even Ambassador Soval. Porthos was there, too, of course—wearing a bowtie and carrying a basket in his mouth that contained the two silver bands.

There wasn’t a dry eye in the house when they exchanged their rings and vows…

_“I love you not only for what you are, but for what you make me - the best possible man I can be. Together we are two halves of one whole - I vow never to take you for granted - to always appreciate your love. I will cherish you forever.”_

_“They say: ‘A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.’ I know I'm not perfect, but I will love you perfectly. When you look at this ring, think of me and remember that I love you always.”_

The reception was hosted, naturally, by Antonio at Pier 51. And the newlyweds, naturally, snuck out early during the dancing. They sailed off in the _Triple Play_ in the moonlight to Tucker’s Cove, where they watched the bioluminescent dinoflagellates light up the water and where they made love under the stars for the first time as a married couple.

And now here they were, a week later, looking out over a different ocean, on Risa, courtesy of a lift from _Enterprise_ , now under the command of Captain Ramirez, formerly of the _Intrepid_. It gave both Jon and Trip a chance to say a proper goodbye to their friends and crewmates, and to their beloved ship. Their ride home had been arranged by a certain blue-skinned Andorian. Commander Shran couldn’t make it to Earth in time for the wedding, so he insisted on bringing them home so he could congratulate them himself. And no doubt ply them with copious amounts of Andorian ale.

Trip stepped up behind Jon on the balcony of their villa overlooking the spectacular coastline. As he gazed out over the ocean he watched the waves roll in and out on the beach. And at that moment he felt exactly like those waves—the tide having taken him away from Jon, and then with time, brought him back again.

He wrapped his arms around Jon’s waist and settled his chin on his shoulder as Jon leaned back against him. He glanced down to see their silver bands glinting in the sunlight and his heart swelled with love. He kissed the side of Jon’s neck.

“I can’t believe our honeymoon is endin’ today,” he murmured.

Jon turned in his arms, a soft smile on his face, love, affection and devotion in his hazel eyes. He leaned in for a kiss, his voice barely a whisper.

“But our new life together is only just beginning.” 

**THE END**

~*~*~*~*~*~

I can’t thank you all enough for taking this journey with me, in this next chapter of Jon and Trip’s lives. Your amazing, encouraging comments along the way kept me going and constantly put a smile on my face. :-) I look forward to writing Trip and Jon’s next adventure for you!


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